Girls with Bad Choices

I am deeply saddened tonight by two things. These two things don't have anything to do with international events (for once) but something closer to home.

First is the death of a friend's baby. I am actually very shocked and don't have any further comment.

Second is that I am observing the destruction of another friend's life. She probably never will know that I am thinking about her in this way. I don't know why she would do this to herself, but to understand it further, I know the reasoning behind her how.

To explain further, I have had many friends come and go in my life. Every person living on this Earth must have had some hardship, some very bad experience that shook their world. And whatever is going on in their life, whatever is creeping into their sanity and their minds, whatever society is pressuring on these young ladies I only know myself.

I had friends who were alcoholics, who cut themselves, starved themselves, drugged themselves up, had sex with too many men to count, smoked (we'll leave this ambiguous), pierced their body, tatooed it, stayed in verbally abusive relationships...

And that is all that I can think of what they told me. Now, I am usually the friend that everybody comes to when they have a problem. And somehow (I am not sure how) I usually have all the answers. But honestly, I really don't know what advice to give them except common sense. That is all what Dr. Phil is famous for. That dose of advice that your mother is there for.

But you can't save them all. I can't save everybody. I can't help everyone. Especially the ones who don't want to be helped. Oh yes, they would like everything to get better, but do they really? No. Because you can tell them what they don't or do want to hear and it is upto them to follow it.

Yet this friend, I have known her for a long time, off and on, but at least since she was younger. And she is one of the most intriguing cases I've seen (yeah like I'm some psychiatrist seeing patients...enter huge guffaw). What I mean to say is that I see such a mean spirit within her. She is so full of hate at something that she is destroying her life by defying all bounderies that were put against her...even the ones for her protection.

I never was for the whole "rebellious" teenager thing just because I had common sense enough to know that it would hurt me in the end. But I still have done things that are rebellious and stupid and wrong and I've learned from it, and I have stopped it and I know how it's like to be there and want it for something much more than a cause ... more like a change. But actions like that never get the results you want, only the ones that create new problems.

And these bounderies that are here in our life for our protection...religious, parental, whatever...in the end they are there for our protection no matter how preachy this sounds, it is very very very true. Mark my words, for anybody who may need this, understand that once a boundry like that has been crossed you have stepped into a world that is changed for you. Sometimes it is good to do that...but it should never be stepped into with malice in your heart. When you change the bounderies in your life it should be done with caution, anticipation, or with a good decent purpose.

Anger always makes a person irrational and it is exactly what my friend has...irrationality due to anger. Not the anger that you want to hit someone with, but the silent continous anger where you just feel like shit all the f****ing time.

And it is this anger that makes me very sad to see in other people. I would never like to see another person feel like this, feel like the depth of life is where they are feeling in their low points. I just hope she realizes how her actions are affecting other people, and how it is ultimately coming around to kick her in the ass and not actually helping her. The temporary relief is not even that great...it's one of those solutions that create such a harsher punishment in the end...especially for a desi girl.

Damn I need to stop with these late night thoughts and hit the sack already.