This Ramadan 2008

I am eternally grateful for so many things in my life, and I feel that I cannot compare myself to any other human being for it.

I have definitely asked for the simple things in life, but some of the most important ones that I rank as high is the wonderful parents that I have who are constantly adapting their views in my culture for their children. Even though they still have a long way to go (sorry, had to add that), without their support I could never have been able to pursue what I have done so far.

I also must thank Allah for giving me such beautiful, close friends in my life. New ones, old ones, rekindled ones....they are few but extraordinary. I could not have found them on my own without Him.

I am deeply indebted to Allah for giving me a chance at medical school. And not just giving me a chance but a second chance. How could I ever take such a thing I prayed about for granted?

No hardship or burden is too great for any person to bear, but at the same time I must constantly ask Him for His help. And I hope that whatever occurs in the future will be good for the people around me as well. And I hope that whatever I ask for in the future will still be accepted by Him. Ameen.

I needed to put that out there today.

Life, Monetarily Speaking

So check this out:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080710/ap_on_re_us/value_of_life

Apparently, the value of American life just isn't what it was used to. It made me laugh out loud mainly because I didn't know the government statistically evaluates in monetary value the worth of a person's life....

According to the article, the government does this to figure out if we are worth it for investments in projects for things such as, oh, pollution control. I guess since our value as people have decreased due to a recent configuration of our net worth.....we just aren't worth it (right now) to care.

Just because the dollar's worth has went down, did not mean so should we. There are critics who are upset with this (and in my opinion rightly so) that the Bush administration asked for this recalculation for political gain....they just didn't want the Environmental Protection Agency to be spending so much on "useless" projects.

I mean, if we have to figure this out according to our budget and how much money we really have to allocate for things, I understand. But it is funny to see how it somehow correlates to our worth in human lives....which it does! But isn't it sending out a signal to everyone that they just don't care? (And is anybody really surprised?)

Time for Change?

I am contemplating a major overhaul of my blog. I want to create a more thematic element to it instead of its episodic randomness. I may even change the address to this blog to fit the subject matter.

I am not so sure what I want to make it into. During this summer, I have been spending a lot of time studying religion, mainly because there never seems to be enough time set aside in my life for it. I end up being too busy due to classes, events, or just life. But the thing is, religion is so essential to a person's life, to the point where it shapes who you become or want to become.....how is it possible that anybody should be too busy for it? Or at least to understand what you are following?

I had a conversation with a friend of mine, and she and I definitely came to the conclusion that too many people out there robotically follow the mantra of what they believe in, but never actually checked out the references to realize why they do that. Why do you follow the religion you believe in? It makes sense to you right? Or is it because so far it just works for you until something better comes along?

There could be so many different reasons, but at least by setting aside time to authenticate your religion for yourself, you could at least authenticate yourself as an individual.

Anyway, that is what I am going through this summer. My eyes are opening up to a whole new world of hidden mysteries and sometimes it is a little scary. To think that sometimes I take at face value what people around me say without really figuring out where it comes from. Sometimes.....these people don't even know.....they never looked themselves......but would rather live an easier life of not knowing than discovering possibilites that they never knew exist for them.

Comfort in familiarity can only last you so long. In the end, what is familiar can be detrimental to society and you as an individual. Sometimes, when you become brave enough to discover what you are looking for with an open mind to allow yourself to be wrong.....you find out that life was supposed to be easier. Humans have a strange way of making life complicated.

So with that, I am almost scrapping this blog and replacing it with one with a more religious undertone. I just feel like exploring my views on it, but with the world. I feel that my personal life and nuances may just have to stay to myself (unless you truly want to tune into it, you are just going to have to email me....).

Anyway, I believe this summer was well worth the effort in independent study in Islam and I feel it would be a shame if I left it to myself. Or I could just start another blog with that theme....hmmm. I have too much to think about right now.

My Secret Dream

Oddly my strangest desire has always been to be a voiceover for a show, or to do a voice for a Disney movie. I have always always always wanted to do something that uses my voice for something exciting such as that. Especially an animation. It is a feeling that has not gone away nor would be going away anytime soon. And no, I have not seen Kung Fu Panda....yet.

(If anybody in the television industry is reading this, you have a great candidate to provide a very pleasant voice for any voiceovers you need. My only exclusion clause would be to please not force me to sing unless you want to invest in major money retouching my harmonics and no, I will not be a phone sex operator. I am not skanky.)

Rules for Intelligence?

Did you ever grow up thinking a certain way because that was how your worldview was shaped? You were told that if people do this, they must be like this. Or you might be taught certain principles or observed thoughts that were valued by indirect means and subconciously thought that "If A happens, B will follow and if not C occurs".

Ok, I'll stop talking abstractly and move on to my point. I always somehow was told or made to think (mainly because I'm the idiot I guess) that if somebody was irresponsible, or they didn't know how to do something so simple and rational, then they must be a real idiot. For example, if you are wasting money on merchandise you don't need. Or maybe continuously parking in No Parking Zones, and racking up fines that become unnecessary (well parking once is pretty much enough, wouldn't it be?).

Anyway, I was driving back home and was thinking, I have met the most amazing and talented people I could ever find in my life. But come to think of it, they do the most irresponsibly made decisions. Just random little things. Like the whole parking example. Or they might be into some recreational mind enhancers (do you like that? I came up with it myself).

These people have some really bright, wise, and ingenious things to say......but have faults like the most common person you know! I don't know why this somehow is puzzling to me, or how that makes the person seem any less valid.

But I'm glad I had the insight to be able to think a little bit about it so I can question it. We can't all be perfect.

Identity

I have noticed within the past year of hanging around more brown people than usual (in Kansas it is a special occurance sometimes). I finally came to the realization that people within the Pakistani community really do separate themselves even further into ethnic groups....as if we are not divided already with the Indian community and other religious communities we need to go on further to differentiate ourselves.

As if the identity of ourselves as a whole unit of "Pakistani" is not enough.....we are so lost in our identity of ourselves that we need to go on further dividing everything. This probably has been around before I was born but I just never paid much attention to it recently.

Who cares if you are Punjabi? Pathan? From Kashmir? I really had no idea what my background really was (Kashmiri with a pinch of Punjabi) until about 3 years ago. Did it matter to me? In a fun sort of way, yes. It is nice to know your genetic makeup or your background culture or whatever else information you can extract from it to understand your present situation and the people around you. Culturally it's fun.

But then comes about this mentality, I have noticed, that poses a "You vs. Me" agenda. Certain groups like to pump themselves up as being the greatest people of all time, we historically have done this and always follow a certain way of life.

Well bullshit. I'm sorry, but if that is true then it is because you have culturally trained yourself to follow it that way. There is nothing inherent in being Punjabi or Sindhi or whatever. You grow to value and love and admire what your parents raised you to believe in. And at a certain age your mind develops fully on its own where finally you truly can decide for yourself what you want to be as an individual and what duties you feel you owe to society.

Your culture can dictate that very strongly, no doubt. But what I really hate is when somebody keeps telling me, "Oh we are So and So People, and we believe in Such and Such a Thing. I am brave hear me roar...." and all I ever observe them being is anything but that. When the real things in life matter and they cannot live upto the potential that is set for them....that is when the whole "identity theory" collapses!

Ok, here is another idea of what I am trying to say. I am a Libra. Yes, I love reading horoscopes. Who doesn't? It gives you the sense of some place in the universe, a really easy tool to connect with random strangers (even if you really don't want to). Hey, I'm a Libra. You are too? Awesome!

Well, isn't it true that when you read what it is to be your horoscope, many times the description seems to fit *exactly* like who you are? Or even if it is not exact, it's in the ballpark and very close to it (as it is for me). Me? Indecisive? Always! Loves the finer things in life? Of course! Kind, nice, generous? Why not!

But what is so crazy for some people to understand is that THERE ARE OTHER PEOPLE WHO LOVE BEAUTY, ARE INDECISIVE, AND NICE! It is not a Libra thing, it's a personality trait many people have. You just put those together and you form an "identity". There you go. I am not Pakistani, I'm a Libra! And proud of it! (Not really, I could care less but it's just to illustrate a point).

It's just a tool of separation to me. Even in the Quran (for who it matters) it states that cultures and different ethnicities were given to us on this Earth for identification purposes. Not to separate ourselves with.

So the *real* underlying main point of my little rant is that I hate it when certain a person (ahem ahem....believe me, I doubt they read my posts anyway) rests on their high throne of identification from a certain ethnicity that on paper sounds so wonderful....but they completely ignore the fact that there is a real identity they are completely ignoring....their own. That identity that makes them who they really are. I might be a Libra, but I am Neda. I don't care if all Libras are kind, generous and whatever. If I run around smacking people in the face every time I don't agree with them, I can't use the fact that I'm a Libra to hide behind what I'm really doing. And it makes me sad when they can't realize it until it's too late. I just feel it hinders growth and development as a person. Because really, I feel one of the reasons we are on Earth is to be better than we are the last time we checked in with ourselves.

Identity is what we make it to be. And when we ascribe ourselves to one, that already is self limiting. It's ok to be more than one.

Pre-Summer

I decided I'm going to go on a movie seeing spree. As the movies I've been wanting to see come out, I'll go out and watch them--whether by myself or with friends.

And I'm out dish shopping for my new apartment this summer.

Yes. After a nice rant of all the things I could do in the summer....I guess it's safe to say I'm "previewing." :)