Closer to Home

I am really still trying to understand what I heard about Benazir Bhutto's assassination taking place.

I grew up hearing my parents complain about her, how she "looted the country" and that was the reason why she was exiled from Pakistan.

But when I started college and was doing that whole "soul searching" phase everybody has to go through in their life at some point or another, I started looking for Pakistani or Muslim women who could serve as role models or reference point for where I want to be in life. Granted, Benazir Bhutto never become one of them, but I did end up looking up her biography. There were so few women that I could find in the Muslim world, or any world for that matter, who I felt I wanted to serve as an example for where I wanted to be.

I read in some of her biographies that Bhutto "had a cloud of controversy" about the financial situation of the country. When put that lightly, I really don't know what to say about her. But I did remember when I was in Virginia for a year that she came to Blacksburg to give a speech about the post-9/11 world and I went to see her. It turned out to be more of a campaign speech than anything.

But to come so close to a woman like that, who I grew up hearing stories about and realizing how much she was a part of Pakistan's history...she is, after all, the first female Muslim to become prime minister of any country in the world as far as I know...and for that I feel there is much to be admired.

She was unfortunately too headstrong and careless. Who told her to make such crazy speeches during the time when Pakistan's own prime minister escaped 3 assassination attempts (at least!). Who told her to return to Pakistan and suddenly expect to campaign there like it was a normal thing to do? Sometimes with passion and determination one needs a little bit of fear. Fear indicates humility in the fact that you are mortal, and that despite the fact that everything will not turn out exactly the way you want it to, at least you are well aware of it and that, in my opinion, makes one more wise and prepared.

I used to be like that. I always needed control over my surroundings, I needed people to do what they were told to do, or go through with what they say they will do. If something was unjust and I knew it, and everybody else in the room and the world knew it, I needed what I was passionate for to come true...just because it was right and so it should be.

But that just goes to show that our world is filled with humans. Things don't happen logically no matter how logical you want things to happen. People will succumb to feelings that are driving their desires, and the ones that have it under control are the ones we usually admire. To struggle to control ourselves, I think, is what people really (should) struggle for during their lifetime. Obviously the morons that have been causing so much grief in Pakistan have no control over themselves, thoughts, or actions.

Anyway, this all goes to show that Benazir Bhutto's assassination reached closer to home than I thought. I sort of felt she was immortal, but I guess this world is too dangerous to preserve even well known veterans such as her.