Neda

This Ramadan 2008

2008-09-15T17:00:00.003-05:00

I am eternally grateful for so many things in my life, and I feel that I cannot compare myself to any other human being for it.

I have definitely asked for the simple things in life, but some of the most important ones that I rank as high is the wonderful parents that I have who are constantly adapting their views in my culture for their children. Even though they still have a long way to go (sorry, had to add that), without their support I could never have been able to pursue what I have done so far.

I also must thank Allah for giving me such beautiful, close friends in my life. New ones, old ones, rekindled ones....they are few but extraordinary. I could not have found them on my own without Him.

I am deeply indebted to Allah for giving me a chance at medical school. And not just giving me a chance but a second chance. How could I ever take such a thing I prayed about for granted?

No hardship or burden is too great for any person to bear, but at the same time I must constantly ask Him for His help. And I hope that whatever occurs in the future will be good for the people around me as well. And I hope that whatever I ask for in the future will still be accepted by Him. Ameen.

I needed to put that out there today.

Life, Monetarily Speaking

2008-07-10T19:01:00.002-05:00

So check this out:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080710/ap_on_re_us/value_of_life

Apparently, the value of American life just isn't what it was used to. It made me laugh out loud mainly because I didn't know the government statistically evaluates in monetary value the worth of a person's life....

According to the article, the government does this to figure out if we are worth it for investments in projects for things such as, oh, pollution control. I guess since our value as people have decreased due to a recent configuration of our net worth.....we just aren't worth it (right now) to care.

Just because the dollar's worth has went down, did not mean so should we. There are critics who are upset with this (and in my opinion rightly so) that the Bush administration asked for this recalculation for political gain....they just didn't want the Environmental Protection Agency to be spending so much on "useless" projects.

I mean, if we have to figure this out according to our budget and how much money we really have to allocate for things, I understand. But it is funny to see how it somehow correlates to our worth in human lives....which it does! But isn't it sending out a signal to everyone that they just don't care? (And is anybody really surprised?)

Time for Change?

2008-07-06T13:48:00.003-05:00

I am contemplating a major overhaul of my blog. I want to create a more thematic element to it instead of its episodic randomness. I may even change the address to this blog to fit the subject matter.

I am not so sure what I want to make it into. During this summer, I have been spending a lot of time studying religion, mainly because there never seems to be enough time set aside in my life for it. I end up being too busy due to classes, events, or just life. But the thing is, religion is so essential to a person's life, to the point where it shapes who you become or want to become.....how is it possible that anybody should be too busy for it? Or at least to understand what you are following?

I had a conversation with a friend of mine, and she and I definitely came to the conclusion that too many people out there robotically follow the mantra of what they believe in, but never actually checked out the references to realize why they do that. Why do you follow the religion you believe in? It makes sense to you right? Or is it because so far it just works for you until something better comes along?

There could be so many different reasons, but at least by setting aside time to authenticate your religion for yourself, you could at least authenticate yourself as an individual.

Anyway, that is what I am going through this summer. My eyes are opening up to a whole new world of hidden mysteries and sometimes it is a little scary. To think that sometimes I take at face value what people around me say without really figuring out where it comes from. Sometimes.....these people don't even know.....they never looked themselves......but would rather live an easier life of not knowing than discovering possibilites that they never knew exist for them.

Comfort in familiarity can only last you so long. In the end, what is familiar can be detrimental to society and you as an individual. Sometimes, when you become brave enough to discover what you are looking for with an open mind to allow yourself to be wrong.....you find out that life was supposed to be easier. Humans have a strange way of making life complicated.

So with that, I am almost scrapping this blog and replacing it with one with a more religious undertone. I just feel like exploring my views on it, but with the world. I feel that my personal life and nuances may just have to stay to myself (unless you truly want to tune into it, you are just going to have to email me....).

Anyway, I believe this summer was well worth the effort in independent study in Islam and I feel it would be a shame if I left it to myself. Or I could just start another blog with that theme....hmmm. I have too much to think about right now.

My Secret Dream

2008-06-15T02:40:00.003-05:00

Oddly my strangest desire has always been to be a voiceover for a show, or to do a voice for a Disney movie. I have always always always wanted to do something that uses my voice for something exciting such as that. Especially an animation. It is a feeling that has not gone away nor would be going away anytime soon. And no, I have not seen Kung Fu Panda....yet.

(If anybody in the television industry is reading this, you have a great candidate to provide a very pleasant voice for any voiceovers you need. My only exclusion clause would be to please not force me to sing unless you want to invest in major money retouching my harmonics and no, I will not be a phone sex operator. I am not skanky.)

Rules for Intelligence?

2008-06-13T22:53:00.002-05:00

Did you ever grow up thinking a certain way because that was how your worldview was shaped? You were told that if people do this, they must be like this. Or you might be taught certain principles or observed thoughts that were valued by indirect means and subconciously thought that "If A happens, B will follow and if not C occurs".

Ok, I'll stop talking abstractly and move on to my point. I always somehow was told or made to think (mainly because I'm the idiot I guess) that if somebody was irresponsible, or they didn't know how to do something so simple and rational, then they must be a real idiot. For example, if you are wasting money on merchandise you don't need. Or maybe continuously parking in No Parking Zones, and racking up fines that become unnecessary (well parking once is pretty much enough, wouldn't it be?).

Anyway, I was driving back home and was thinking, I have met the most amazing and talented people I could ever find in my life. But come to think of it, they do the most irresponsibly made decisions. Just random little things. Like the whole parking example. Or they might be into some recreational mind enhancers (do you like that? I came up with it myself).

These people have some really bright, wise, and ingenious things to say......but have faults like the most common person you know! I don't know why this somehow is puzzling to me, or how that makes the person seem any less valid.

But I'm glad I had the insight to be able to think a little bit about it so I can question it. We can't all be perfect.

Identity

2008-05-11T16:03:00.002-05:00

I have noticed within the past year of hanging around more brown people than usual (in Kansas it is a special occurance sometimes). I finally came to the realization that people within the Pakistani community really do separate themselves even further into ethnic groups....as if we are not divided already with the Indian community and other religious communities we need to go on further to differentiate ourselves.

As if the identity of ourselves as a whole unit of "Pakistani" is not enough.....we are so lost in our identity of ourselves that we need to go on further dividing everything. This probably has been around before I was born but I just never paid much attention to it recently.

Who cares if you are Punjabi? Pathan? From Kashmir? I really had no idea what my background really was (Kashmiri with a pinch of Punjabi) until about 3 years ago. Did it matter to me? In a fun sort of way, yes. It is nice to know your genetic makeup or your background culture or whatever else information you can extract from it to understand your present situation and the people around you. Culturally it's fun.

But then comes about this mentality, I have noticed, that poses a "You vs. Me" agenda. Certain groups like to pump themselves up as being the greatest people of all time, we historically have done this and always follow a certain way of life.

Well bullshit. I'm sorry, but if that is true then it is because you have culturally trained yourself to follow it that way. There is nothing inherent in being Punjabi or Sindhi or whatever. You grow to value and love and admire what your parents raised you to believe in. And at a certain age your mind develops fully on its own where finally you truly can decide for yourself what you want to be as an individual and what duties you feel you owe to society.

Your culture can dictate that very strongly, no doubt. But what I really hate is when somebody keeps telling me, "Oh we are So and So People, and we believe in Such and Such a Thing. I am brave hear me roar...." and all I ever observe them being is anything but that. When the real things in life matter and they cannot live upto the potential that is set for them....that is when the whole "identity theory" collapses!

Ok, here is another idea of what I am trying to say. I am a Libra. Yes, I love reading horoscopes. Who doesn't? It gives you the sense of some place in the universe, a really easy tool to connect with random strangers (even if you really don't want to). Hey, I'm a Libra. You are too? Awesome!

Well, isn't it true that when you read what it is to be your horoscope, many times the description seems to fit *exactly* like who you are? Or even if it is not exact, it's in the ballpark and very close to it (as it is for me). Me? Indecisive? Always! Loves the finer things in life? Of course! Kind, nice, generous? Why not!

But what is so crazy for some people to understand is that THERE ARE OTHER PEOPLE WHO LOVE BEAUTY, ARE INDECISIVE, AND NICE! It is not a Libra thing, it's a personality trait many people have. You just put those together and you form an "identity". There you go. I am not Pakistani, I'm a Libra! And proud of it! (Not really, I could care less but it's just to illustrate a point).

It's just a tool of separation to me. Even in the Quran (for who it matters) it states that cultures and different ethnicities were given to us on this Earth for identification purposes. Not to separate ourselves with.

So the *real* underlying main point of my little rant is that I hate it when certain a person (ahem ahem....believe me, I doubt they read my posts anyway) rests on their high throne of identification from a certain ethnicity that on paper sounds so wonderful....but they completely ignore the fact that there is a real identity they are completely ignoring....their own. That identity that makes them who they really are. I might be a Libra, but I am Neda. I don't care if all Libras are kind, generous and whatever. If I run around smacking people in the face every time I don't agree with them, I can't use the fact that I'm a Libra to hide behind what I'm really doing. And it makes me sad when they can't realize it until it's too late. I just feel it hinders growth and development as a person. Because really, I feel one of the reasons we are on Earth is to be better than we are the last time we checked in with ourselves.

Identity is what we make it to be. And when we ascribe ourselves to one, that already is self limiting. It's ok to be more than one.

Pre-Summer

2008-04-28T16:50:00.002-05:00

I decided I'm going to go on a movie seeing spree. As the movies I've been wanting to see come out, I'll go out and watch them--whether by myself or with friends.

And I'm out dish shopping for my new apartment this summer.

Yes. After a nice rant of all the things I could do in the summer....I guess it's safe to say I'm "previewing." :)

Summer, Where Art Thou?

2008-04-26T18:59:00.003-05:00

This summer looks so promising. I feel like it is an untouched canvas just waiting for me to color it (I know, that sounded so cliche but described exactly what I feel for it!).

I think leaving the country would be out of the question for me (especially since my passport kind of expired years ago). But I look forward to seeing Spain and Morocco!

What do people do in the summer?

It's been so long, I don't even remember. Anything! I could....paddleboat! Or finally go rock climbing (erm, wall climbing indoors...since I don't live exactly near anything resembling a mountain).

I can finally read those books I've always wanted to read (and not watch the movie as a shortcut). I can visit people in different states. I can go to amusement parks with friends. Try making new dishes (since apparently I learned recently I have a special talent for mixing things together and making it taste good).

Every summer there is an event where they show movies outdoors. I can't wait to see summer movies!

Summers are times to attend people's weddings. To dress up and look glamorous.

Even to go shopping and pretend you still have money by the end of the season so there is no self induced added stress before school starts.

I can catch up with old friends and new ones. And hopefully meet new people too.

I don't think I want to sleep in either. There seems to be too much to do!

I want to see Chicago again.
Or try watching a ballet for once.

Hold picnics and BBQ outdoors.....ahhh BBQs!

Or sit out during dusk and chat with close friends or family. Share thoughts and feelings just because you feel like you're in such a good mood and the world is all yours.

Warm breezes. Flowy skirts. Fashion! Summer fashion can be tricky for me...

For people with significant others, a nice time to get closer.

or grow apart. But let's not think bad things :)

Eating out with friends is a must. Anything with friends is a must.

Wow. It's been a long, long time summer....where have you been??

How To Procrastinate

2008-04-09T02:14:00.002-05:00

So what do you do when you need to procrastinate for a test that you don't really feel like studying for just now?

One thing I did was check my really old hotmail account that I never use anymore and started cleaning out the inbox full of junk mail (hey, at least I am not doing the usual thing like cleaning my room...mainly because I'm avoiding that task too...)

So I decided to look through this folder I created called "Letters" which is always interesting to look at. I saved many emails that came from friends or relatives that were sent back and forth to me. Half of it I did not want to even open, mainly because each year that passed before I feel like I was the most embarrassing person alive. And I don't need to relive that through letters.

But there was one period of my life that I opened and was surprised at how angry I was at the world. I had written an email basically b***ching off at certain people that I had just met and didn't even know well enough to really talk about (and in retrospect were probably pretty cool people) to my really good friend Debrissa....and it was just plain angry. I never wrote so many colorful words in a letter as I did that one.

And I know it wasn't the people I was angry at, but the wonderful people I was forced to leave in Virginia.

I don't know. I knew I was upset, but when reading that letter, it really showed me how upset I was.

That goes to show...sometimes it is good to follow your heart and not your head. But I don't know how often I can do that. I don't think I would be in medical school right now if I did. Then again, I'm in med school but not quite where I imagine myself to be in life...

But it's a trade off worth it I think. Hopefully time will let me know. No doubt though I am greatful to be here...but believe me, I will be just as fast out of here too (after graduating that is..)

KU Wins vs. Memphis!

2008-04-08T13:52:00.002-05:00

Awesome Job KU!!!

Just Came Back

2008-03-13T17:29:00.003-05:00

I went to Chicago and loved it...except for the fact that it is freezing all the time!

I'll post more about it later, mainly because I can't stop sleeping now that I'm back. It definitely made me more motivated to work harder so that I can get the heck out of Kansas! I needed this...

So, I guess L.A. is next on my list of places to see :)

I can't possibly apply to residency in a place I can't live in, can I? Now I really want to see what California is like because my views of Chicago have definitely changed somewhat. Not bad though.

Quran vs. Hadith

2008-02-19T12:18:00.003-06:00

I had found this website a long time ago (click on the title of this post), and I found it so down to earth and sensible. It explained certain aspects of religion that I always suspected were misinterpreted but couldn't figure out what was the right interpretation.

Granted, some parts of the site I can't seem to agree with. For example, their whole "numerology" system of the Quran being composed of the the miraculous number 19. Maybe I don't know math very well, but to me it sounded like trying to find a number when it is not really there. Who knows?

Anyway, my point is that sometimes I feel that Hadith really do complicate our lives. I think a lot of people refer to Hadith and Sunnath wayyyy too much. I feel Muslims don't refer to the Quran for answers anymore, and that by adding the Hadith they have complicated the religion by far more than it was supposed to be.

Like this article says, there are Hadith for even the simplest things in life such as how to drink a glass of water. It's ridiculous. Something like that doesn't contradict the Quran...mainly because the book remains silent on those aspects of life. But that is why we have it remain silent! So we can decide for ourselves how we want to drink a glass of water.

It's easier to sell someobody on this point of how to do simple aspects of human life. But what if I moved on to something more controversial? Women's dress has been one of those things. You would think the Quran spent pages and pages explaining exactly how a woman should be covered, when she should be covered, and what she should be covered with. But if you took all the words in the entire book that even mentions women's dress, you would be hard pressed to make a good solid paragraph. Even if you add in men's dress code.

There is another link to where the site mentioned this concept of women's dress, but to sum it up, I was surprised by what I read. There are only three rules for women (and men): 1) Wear the garment of rightousness 2) Cover your chest 3) Lengthen your garments

Three simple rules but somehow it became distorted with other ideas and other additions and other fabrications. There is even a debate about the word used in the Quran to cover the chest which is khimar. But honestly, I believe it when it says in the Quran that He has made religion easy for you (for those that believe).

All this is to say is that sometimes the harder issues in life can come up and when you go to refer to the true source, it's just harder to believe it sometimes because it seems like the answer in the Quran is much more simple than what people around you practice or what people around you would say if you decided to do things within your limits.

It stinks. (And I'm not talking about how to dress, I'm just talking about things in general and things that are complex).

Sunsets

2008-02-16T16:06:00.003-06:00

Well, I think there are several things that are on my mind so I might as well write about all of them in one post.

First and foremost, is that I feel a very dear and near friend has betrayed me unintentionally. I love my friend very deeply, but I am also very disappointed in them. It makes me realize how much I am different from some and how much some are different from me.

I can somehow look at a situation, analyze it, find the hope that can be there in it, and capitalize on that opportunity. I call it "optimisim". Then this friend, who seems to represent the entire middle east (ok, I'm kidding...but mainly people like my parents, family, family friends, etc.) looks at a situation, finds the reality, settles for what they call "Allah's Will" and then chalks it up to fate. They don't do anything about it! I call this pessimism.

And usually I'm a realist. I never ever once thought of myself as optimistic because that would imply that I'm happy all the time, or that I seem to, well, be happy all the time. I guess that's what I thought optimistic people were. They are energized and ready to go about something.

Well passion is something that I do and can have about something. But I guess I realized from my situation with this friend that despite the fact that I have the propensity to find small happinesses in a lot of little things than find big happinesses in *everything*, I'm still an optimist. Because I can see hope in a situation, and when there is no hope, I create hope.

And it's not about distorting reality. I know my reality. I just like to take things a step further to ensure that if something I see can't become reality, I'll make sure that I'll *try* everything in my power to make it reality if I care about it that deeply. I hope all this "theoretically speaking" stuff makes sense.

So you see, when I found out my friend wasn't going to do something specific for me, I was very hurt. I understood and realized that life can be challenging...people can be challenging...parents can be VERY challenging...but in the end what matters is the depth of respect and trust of your life you have for yourself that matters in the end.

All I'm saying is, I realize now that not everybody is able to change as far as I have since I left home for college. I mean, it was a process I started since junior high...

I told myself, "Neda, you are going to work on this shyness thing until you are as outgoing as the most popular kid in class". Ok, so that goal had toned down A LOT, but coming from a kid that was *painfully* shy, I forced myself to speak in class, or take positions in organizations, or talk more with my friends. Because I was at the level where I was not comfortable in doing any of that. And slowly throughout high school, I became more comfortable and I noticed this change within myself. I saw how by doing such small things and setting such an important goal for myself, I could actually *change* who I was into who I wanted to be. It was thrilling.

I hold the power to self-improve. So it continued, even subconciously throughout college. And college was the most dramatic because it was there that I had the freedom to be myself. I noticed that the quiet demenour that I held was somehow related to being at home a lot. Or the fact that I couldn't stand up and say no was because of the lack of encouragement I seemed to be getting. Slowly little things like this were building up and I took the opportunity to improve myself in these areas.

I'm still shy, it's still sometimes hard to refuse someone's request, and I still have trouble talking a lot or giving people eye contact (this comes and goes). But the most important thing is, I try to *change*. I try to get better at it. And believe me, if you knew me in high school you would know that I have (I even had old friends comment on it).

But this friend of mine that I was talking about earlier, I'm so afraid for them. I'm afraid that attitude that I know a lot of people to have will stay with them forever. That they will be miserable. That they don't know how to take RISKS, to jump a bit when life gives you that golden opportunity to improve yourself and change things. That friend is lacking courage. And I care too much to just step aside and say, "well, there is only so much I can do for them."

Because I like things to change in my world. If it's in a bad spot, I like it to change.

Anyway, that was problem one.

Probably my only real problem, because I am having a hard time accepting it.

I was sitting in my car yesterday, and again it happened that the sun was setting and splashing its orange and yellow glow everywhere. I do not like sunsets. It's crazy, but despite their beauty, there seems to be an inherent sadness to them. To me, it signals the end of things. A sort of finality. But mostly, when I am experiencing it, I always end up thinking back to those days in life when you are with friends and it was one of the best days of your life. You spent the whole day running around with them, talking and laughing, and just *experiencing* life with them, but you hate it because the day is now almost over and this moment in time and the joy that you are experiencing is over. And that is what the sunset always becomes to me. A reminder that "it's over". What's over the day I see it is beyond me. The beautiful day. The memories of people whose company you enjoyed. The love you had for something or someone. Or sometimes what you didn't get to do when you could have.

Always the past. It always reminds me of being 8 years old and running around with friends. Or looking out my window in Seattle and seeing the reflection of the sun setting on those mysterious houses that rested on the hills (no, not Kansas hills...I'm talking "hills" as in really high ones covered in evergreens). That made me sad too back then. So maybe the sunset doesn't represent any of those reminders or memories I just mentioned. It must be something else. Because I know that night time will come, and that is usually when things stop. Everything settles down. Unless I'm going out. But even when something exciting is happing that evening, it still makes me sad.

So I have Sunset Syndrome. That's problem number two.

Finally, I want to end on the note that I want to change my plans a bit. I might not be going to Pakistan this summer after all. I think I will wait until winter break and possibly go to Spain instead. I think I might be going to Mexico this summer, but we'll see. Yes, I caught the travel bug and making full use out of it. I really want to add California and Washington into those plans, but I have to convince some friends first.

Closer to Home

2007-12-27T12:36:00.000-06:00

I am really still trying to understand what I heard about Benazir Bhutto's assassination taking place.

I grew up hearing my parents complain about her, how she "looted the country" and that was the reason why she was exiled from Pakistan.

But when I started college and was doing that whole "soul searching" phase everybody has to go through in their life at some point or another, I started looking for Pakistani or Muslim women who could serve as role models or reference point for where I want to be in life. Granted, Benazir Bhutto never become one of them, but I did end up looking up her biography. There were so few women that I could find in the Muslim world, or any world for that matter, who I felt I wanted to serve as an example for where I wanted to be.

I read in some of her biographies that Bhutto "had a cloud of controversy" about the financial situation of the country. When put that lightly, I really don't know what to say about her. But I did remember when I was in Virginia for a year that she came to Blacksburg to give a speech about the post-9/11 world and I went to see her. It turned out to be more of a campaign speech than anything.

But to come so close to a woman like that, who I grew up hearing stories about and realizing how much she was a part of Pakistan's history...she is, after all, the first female Muslim to become prime minister of any country in the world as far as I know...and for that I feel there is much to be admired.

She was unfortunately too headstrong and careless. Who told her to make such crazy speeches during the time when Pakistan's own prime minister escaped 3 assassination attempts (at least!). Who told her to return to Pakistan and suddenly expect to campaign there like it was a normal thing to do? Sometimes with passion and determination one needs a little bit of fear. Fear indicates humility in the fact that you are mortal, and that despite the fact that everything will not turn out exactly the way you want it to, at least you are well aware of it and that, in my opinion, makes one more wise and prepared.

I used to be like that. I always needed control over my surroundings, I needed people to do what they were told to do, or go through with what they say they will do. If something was unjust and I knew it, and everybody else in the room and the world knew it, I needed what I was passionate for to come true...just because it was right and so it should be.

But that just goes to show that our world is filled with humans. Things don't happen logically no matter how logical you want things to happen. People will succumb to feelings that are driving their desires, and the ones that have it under control are the ones we usually admire. To struggle to control ourselves, I think, is what people really (should) struggle for during their lifetime. Obviously the morons that have been causing so much grief in Pakistan have no control over themselves, thoughts, or actions.

Anyway, this all goes to show that Benazir Bhutto's assassination reached closer to home than I thought. I sort of felt she was immortal, but I guess this world is too dangerous to preserve even well known veterans such as her.

Note To Self

2007-11-01T00:54:00.001-05:00

Never learn about wet versus dry gangrene while eating slimy beef teryaki....there is something so wrong about it.

And the pictures don't help.

Proud, Not So Proud

2007-10-31T22:26:00.000-05:00

Things I Am Happy About:

I was at Wal-Mart the other day and was able to translate Spanish-to-English and back again for two Hipanic women and the store clerk. They were trying to buy a DVD for over 17 only and the clerk didn't believe the 28 year old woman was over 17...

Putting more physical activity into my week's schedule.

Not So Happy About:

That I don't have more to add under the first category.

That Fred Phelps is really and truly from Kansas and was wearing a Jayhawk windbreaker to cement it in a news clip from the case about the protests during the marine's funeral. I wanted to cry.

I was driving while unaware of my exhausted state of mind. That sharp turn on the down ramp between two major highways was not exactly the right place to "accelerate and merge".

The disorganization that is in the school's curriculum that is in turn creating a domino effect of the same kind in my life, i.e., my room, my car, my brain...

That I am blaming it on the school.

That I can cook but refuse to do it due to time constraints.

For some reason my groceries are costing more than me eating out at a restaurant...or the strange feeling that this is true.

I read the United States was okay with Egypt's nuclear program but not Iran's. Can't we just stay consistent so we can make sense?

I did not get to see Clinton Lake this past Monday when it was so gorgeous outside. That counts for two points.

There is way more on this list than I have time for.

I am wasting my time right now when I should be studying. Ok, back to work.

Change Needed

2007-10-24T15:34:00.000-05:00

I am tired of the dusty-ness of the chalk. Haven't we evolved now from black boards? They aren't even black anymore which I find stupid. How can you see any type of contrast if you put white on light blue?

When I grow up (did I just type that out?) I mean, when I am into my profession and save up a ton of money, I am going to donate a load of it to the school so they can actually have some white boards (hence nice easy to use colored markers), more "private" rooms in the library so everything won't be overbooked around test time, later library HOURS because it makes no sense that the undergraduate campus is open 24 hours and we are not, a bigger and better library (note this place that I studied at: Whyndam Roberston Library at Hollins University). HEY, I can dream people, it's where reality starts. There should be more trees planted around this ghetto neighborhood, and although honestly I feel secure in this area with the amount of police cars and emergency call booths, it is very likely with this change in environment that at least something with the area can change too. The heart hospital is lovely, we just need to make the rest of the campus just as nice. I am sure the people here could use a little financial help.

All they have to do is rename the school after me, and we're all good. :)

Oh Yeah, Definitely My Current Favorite Song

2007-10-12T23:07:00.000-05:00

Alicia Keys- No On...

I love this woman. She is so soulful, and yet it's not too deep that it's cheesy (at least for me). I know it can be cheesy for somebody else though :)

I can't wait to hear what else she has in the rest of her album. But for now, enjoy.

Life's Secrets

2007-10-12T22:58:00.001-05:00

All I have to say is, I feel the same way.

Need

2007-10-05T23:20:00.000-05:00

I miss my best friend. Some days you really need them. Plane ticket prices are no problem, more so is the time factor. And life.

And In Other News...

2007-09-19T09:57:00.001-05:00

I saw the headline, "Yarrr! International Talk Like a Pirate Day" and began to laugh because at first I thought the "Yarrr" was referring to the desi language-speak for "friend" that everyone who is Fresh Off the Boat uses ALL the time by saying "Yar".

Pass me the ketchup YARRRRRR!!

(I think the UV radiation has began to affect me because I ran out this morning in a rush and forgot to put any lotion on hahahah). I apologize for the agonizingly unfunny humor.

Unexpected Information

2007-09-19T07:04:00.000-05:00

I woke up late (again) for eating my pre-dawn meal before I fast and I took a little too long in the shower (how do people make it in under 20 minutes? I don't think a person can be very clean if they do it anything like the method Elaine described on the show Seinfeld about multitasking and gravity), so I had to rush online to see what time the sun is supposed to rise. It turned out to be ten minutes later than 4 days ago, so I was really happy not to go hungry for the entire summer-length day.

So all this was to say that I also happened to find that the UV index for Kansas City was on "high". Why the heck was I under the impression that it only happened under the unfortunate skies of Australia? I know that we are all supposed to slather on some suntan lotion everyday and we are all supposed to be careful about the sun in general. But I thought around here our risk was medium or at best medium-low. So who forgot to tell me this little fact? It is a 7 on a scale of I am not quite sure. Now I am paranoid about leaving the house today without any skin protection (as if every other day I didn't get zapped by sunbeams). After our Genetics and Neoplasia unit you might see me out and about around Kansas City in a spacesuit.

Um, my roomate's cat just ate some of my leftover black olives, I really hope that is ok.

Library Night

2007-09-16T20:56:00.000-05:00

I love how I can walk onto the main undergraduate campus and find that the entire computer lab is filled with Asians on a Saturday and Sunday night. Including myself of course. Not that I'm Asian. But we're neighbors, same thing.

My eyes are about to bug out with all the staring I do into my laptop's screen now that everything is digitized at the med school. And it gives me further excuse to procrastinate by surfing the Internet. This has become a serious problem in the past, but I think I have remedied it by screwing myself over during the first block and forcing myself to chose between a summer filled with fun or slaving away over cadavers. I will take the first choice please. Besides, I work best under pressure. I was just setting myself up for this because I love getting that anxiety filled adrenaline rush (not).

Ok, now I am going to stop and get back to studying. So at least this coming summer I can fill this blog with pictures of Pakistan, and whatever country I finally decide on stopping over.

Time Flies

2007-06-10T23:18:00.000-05:00

I know it's been a long time since I've posted anything and mainly because much of my personal life has been a bit hectic which in turn made me really apathetic to writing anything on here which used to interest me.

In other words, I just didn't feel like writing anything worth mentioning.

But today, with the death of the Senegalese film maker Ousmane Sembene, I felt reminded of what used to make me excited about life and learning and the interests that I have. I always told myself, "I have to write a post about such and such a person" or an informative article about something from the world I learned or just some plain crazy facts that are floating around out there.

But I know this blog is floating between the two: what I just described and just random thoughts about what is happening in my own life.

I am thinking that I am going to keep this blog for the second purpose and just go ahead and create a second one strictly for the purpose of sharing what I find about the world. I've been wanting to express my opinions for so long about people such as Queen Rania or Lisa Ling. There's a whole lot more on that list of women I feel are good role models for others, because for me it used to be so hard to find. Or maybe if you think about it, the time frame that I grew up in has been a big change for women. That's within three decades: the eighties, nineties, and nearing 2010 (and no I am not anywhere near thirty).

Anyway, I'm pretty sure I'm going to change a few things around here.

Morning Drive in Spring

2007-05-10T08:25:00.000-05:00

It is so beautiful these past two times I have driven out to KU. The fog and the greenery and the sun shining through is like Heaven. It sort of reminded me of Seattle (doesn't everything?), especially after I parked along the sidewalk and my foot hit the grass. I winced at how wet it was because of the dew. I love the second half of Spring when you can't tell if it's over, or summer is about to start.

Sanjaya! Sanjaya! You Set This Place On Fiiiiyaaa!

2007-04-26T09:51:00.000-05:00

I can't believe I sent an e-mail to the radio station asking them for the Sanjaya songs. I'm such a loser. As if being a Dr. Pepper addict wasn't enough.

Drinking Issues

2007-04-26T09:03:00.000-05:00

I didn't realize that cranberry juice can give you a greater kick in the face than any cup of coffee. I am definitely going to revise my drinking habits.

Take my secret addiction for example:

It's like I can't get off the bottle. I don't drink it socially anymore, and even acceptably with meals. Random moments throughout the day (yes, I can start before noon) I will reach for it and pour myself a drink.

At night, if I am feeling bored or depressed, there I will go taking a swig of that dark liquid and feeling a temporary satisfaction to my "thirst". To escape the responsibilities or pressures of life, what else is there to do than to fill a glass and busy yourself with it?

Sometimes I will lie to myself about how much I drink. I will also deny this fact with others. My sister will look at my hand that holds the bottle and exclaim in disgust, "Are you drinking that again? How many have you had today?"

I tell myself I can stop. I can do it anytime. But last night it got to the point where I was fearing for my health. So I explained to my sister as I poured myself another glass to make sure I NEVER buy another bottle again. Because I fear I am losing control over the situation.

I mean, people even offer it to me during class. How can I resist when they are getting me some for free? I'm cheap and that's not going to change.

Yes. Yes I do drink it again and again, to the point of going through 2 liters in two to three days.

I guess the first step is to admit it, so here I will say YES, I am a Dr. Pepper-aholic and it is a problem.

I apologize to everyone that it hurt, starting with my wallet. If you are out with me, or see me in the street with it, call me out or the lining of my teeth and esophagus are going to erode before I hit thirty.

Not to mention I got a cool looking water bottle (free of course, like duh) and I think I'll use it more often.

Disclaimer: If you are my mom and made it this far in the post without having a nervous breakdown, just to let you know I AM JUST KIDDING. That is all. (And yes, the public understands that I'm joking too).

A Nice Moment

2007-04-01T23:19:00.000-05:00

Spring in Kansas

2007-03-03T11:05:00.000-06:00

The reason I like Spring is because it either reminds me that Summer is coming or it brings such beautiful weather. Minus the snow days.

It is only in Kansas that I have seen the sky really wake up and start creating such beautiful pictures. They are like paintings in 3D. Actually better than 3D, I feel like I am living it.

Where else is there more going on above you than on the ground? When the storm slowly tumbles its dark clouds in one after the other, there is no other place I have seen the sun still fighting to shine through. It is amazing to watch this dynamic interaction between two opposing forces. Light and Dark apparently do not make gray.

Sometimes its a very serene green (which can get really creepy later in the Spring) or there will be splashes of pinks, purples, oranges, sometimes red. There are colors that look similar to those I've mentioned but are not even colors in our dictionary. These colors are like the neon signs of daytime.

This paints a very happy, sweet picture of Spring. But what I love about it in Kansas is that it's NOT. It's a crazy psychotic time of reinventing the words boom, explosion, crack, and pound. Rain never fell so thick and heavy in Seattle. It was so quiet and peaceful. Here in Kansas, it never lets you rest. It can drench you in literally five seconds. The lightening will blind you. If you never were afraid of thunderstorms, the way the sky explodes sometimes will terrify you.

And through it all, it is the only place in the world where the sun still can shine through.

I Liked This One

2007-02-16T19:23:00.000-06:00

2007-02-02T15:02:00.000-06:00

Tyra Banks: Kiss My Fat Ass

Hahahah, this is why I love you Tyra!!!

Plane Cheesy Isn't So Plane-ly Cheesy

2007-01-28T12:05:00.000-06:00

Now, I understand the pun, "Plane Cheesy". It's about planes made out of cheese....but they seriously look more like yellow submarines.

But Nobody Told Me...!!

2007-01-28T11:59:00.000-06:00

Argh! I just found out I was quoted in The Daily Kansan and I sound so off-handish about my religion!

"Gee, I don't really celebrate anything so I guess I'll sound really secular and possibly mention that there are some list of things I'll randomly throw out to you that we Muslims celebrate in the Winter, namely forgetting one other IMPORTANT holiday called Eid al Adha!"

Now that I'm done making fun of myself, you can read the article here and make fun of me some more. The person asked a general question through facebook...of course I replied. Sheesh. Well I'm glad he included Islam in the article anyway.

You Don't?

2007-01-21T08:57:00.000-06:00

A few days ago I got an interesting phone call from some guy claiming to be calling from Hollywood, CA who is taking surveys about what I still don't exactly know.

What made the call a bit interesting was the fact that my dad has this rule about theaters: they are evil places and only bad people go there. Well, now the rule has been negotiated to once a year (and even then I don't ask anymore for the risk of an angry glare, I just go).

Anyway, so during my time in MD I had the nice opportunity to see Blood Diamond (which was awesome and now I am a Leonardo diCaprio fan...Titanic was overrated).

The conversation between me and him went something like this:

Guy: "Hi, I'm calling from Hollywood, CA and I am wondering if I could just take a moment of your time to take a survey. I am not advertising or selling anything, I just want to ask a few questions if that is okay with you?"

Me: "Umm, sure okay."

Guy: "Great! Ok, how many times in the past two months have you been to the theater?"

Me" "Uhh, once."

Guy: "Once? Only once?"

Me: "...yes...." (Obviously at this point I was starting to feel like a loser).

Guy: "Well, ok then do you have any males that live with you between the ages of 12 and 38?"

Me: (I was thinking about saying no because that is the truth, but then I thought to save my ego, it would be better if I include some backup from back home...I mean, they are my bros, they should count).
"Yes"

Guy: "Have any of them been to a theater in the past two months?"

Me: (Ok, did he have to ask the same question?) "Uh, no."

Guy: (laughing) "No? Nobody has been to a theater in the past two months?"

Me: "Not really"

Guy: (still laughing) "Well okay, thanks for your time. Bye."

Now, did this stranger have to call me to explain how pathetic and loser-ish my life is? So what if I don't see movies until they are out on DVD? I don't need somebody to hold up a mirror to tell me that.

Le sigh.

That Winter Trip

2007-01-20T23:24:00.000-06:00

I'm back from my trip to Maryland, but I didn't take as many pictures as I claimed I would.

But let me explain.

I took a picture of some amusing cheese crackers that were supposed to resemble airplanes. Those I can share as soon as I find it. But after that I became so caught up in everything that was going on around me that it was pretty useless of me to remember to take out the camera and take pictures of everything.

Plus I lost my book, phone and luggage in several different homes in the course of two days. That explains the state of mind I was in, obviously.

Everything is recovered though (except the book and possibly my mind), but all in all I will say that the trip was fun. I wish it was longer just so I could sit down and relax with my thoughts but mostly it was spent moving from one aunt's house to the other (and thank goodness I only had 5 of them living at one time in the area...yes, *only* five).

Despite the fact that I loved the company I was in and the places around me, I think it truly pushed my resolve that eventually I must return to the west coast. Life over there...it feels like home to me. Yes, I have lived in the Midwest longer than anywhere, but it really is the people that make up the place you come from.

Let's see where life takes me. I always believe that creating a vision in your head of where you want to be is the first step of getting where you need to. It's pretty simple, but not very many people know what they want. Which is fine...but I think it wastes time. For others it is just a nice slow journey without pressure to achieve big (possibly useless) things.

P.S. I loved Bandidas, that movie kicked major culo.

Bored And Rambling (I hate titles like these...nobody wants to read them...especially me)

2006-12-29T19:33:00.000-06:00

It's winter break and I'm extremely bored.

All I do is sleep in and out throughout the day. I think I'm trying to get the days to pass by quicker so my trip will get here faster. But that is a poor and pathetic way to pass time.

So maybe I should actually READ the book I am currently reading on my sidebar because everytime I walk into Borders I forget both the title and the last name of the author. The thing is, I want to read this before I actually see the movie based on it (starring Kal Penn -- woohoo!).

Annnnndd...I can't think of much else. I know, I said I would post pictures. I'll try to do a better job.

I watched Click starring Adam Sandler last night...I haven't finished watching it. Not because I didn't like it, more like unforeseen circumstances constantly PREVENT me from doing anything.

No wonder I'm not productive.

Ok, I think I'm off to the bookstore...that seems to be my only refuge. I feel pathetic. (Actually I'm a bit happy to leave the house and it's a nice, warm and fuzzy place to be :)

Now That's Just Sad

2006-12-24T21:18:00.000-06:00

When 94% of Spanish banknotes contain traces of cocaine. Even sadder when it's because a large portion (Ok, that "large" portion is 1.6%) of the population uses it. Hmm, just how powerful is this stuff? If you are handling Spanish currency, I don't expect you would actually receive any unwanted side affects....lol.

Shhhh, in the library!

2006-12-10T04:35:00.000-06:00

Ok, there is a guy lying on the floor at the library sleeping and snoring for the past 2 hours.

The problem is, it's not a purrrr when he snores. It has escalated to a full out roar. People are starting to stare at the poor guy with his shirt bunching up above his exposed stomach, lying on his side oblivious (obviously) to the rachet he has been causing to all of us studying for finals.

I, on the other hand, have drank a bit too much caffeine in combination with a touch of RockStar Energy Drink. And his roar has gotten me to escalate from giggles to muffled laughter. I seriously was trying hard not to. But this just looked so comical.

Vacation Time!

2006-12-09T19:35:00.000-06:00

Ok, now that I am not so angry anymore (I get over things very easily), I am just checking back in to say that I might have one of the most eventful Winter Breaks of my life (as far as I can remember).

I'm ready to start packing for Virginia, but first I need a ticket and finished exams. Those stupid tests...

I love Virginia mainly because the year I spent there was absolutely amazing. I could be in a bad mood, but all I had to do was look outside and it was gorgeous.

And not just that -- when it was nighttime, I had amazing friends surrounding me. I never felt alone, whether I was in the presence of friends or not.

I'll try posting pictures of my trip at some point.

Ok, that was all.

Obscure Poetry

2006-12-09T19:05:00.000-06:00

I wrote a stupid poem in under 20 seconds in order to receive a free gift, and those idiots sent me a letter saying that my poem was selected to be published and be put in the final judging for $1000.00.

Seriously, they need to not do that. They really inflated my ego back when I was in the eighth grade and I thought I had made it big. Noooo, they just wanted me to buy their $50.00 book full of other amatuer poets. Jerks.

Today I am pissed off. And demonstrating displacement of anger.

Ok, here is another rant that I have which is going to be really really obscure and nobody would follow:

Why is it that some people in life have to be so realistic? I am the GURU of realism if you ask me. I know, of ALLLLL people, how to take the road less fun. How to sit down and "do the right thing". But when things really matter, when emotions or somebody's future is at stake, why is it that a person can feel so heartless to tell me that they don't feel any hope, any optimism?

ACTUALLY, THAT PERSON IS JUST AFRAID. VERY VERY AFRAID OF LIFE AND WHAT COULD POSSIBLY HAPPEN IF THEY TAKE A CHANCE. THEY DON'T WANT RISKS, THEY DON'T WANT TO LIVE IN A DREAM WORLD.

In other words, they are right. They are right and I'm just pissed off about it. Pissed and devasted, but more pissed than devastated.

Damn it.

Mobocracy

2006-12-02T09:20:00.000-06:00

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20061201/us_nm/usa_muslims_fear_dc

I don't think I need to explain anything, it's there in the article.

The Scales

2006-11-18T21:28:00.000-06:00

I think what truly makes us human is the fact that what our brain tells us to do is right, we can't ever follow because our heart may disagree. And sometimes it's the heart that tells us to do something right, but our brain is following a different logic entirely.

You see, if we could just get our minds to meet our hearts in a common middle ground where everything can be agreed on, I believe we would have superhumans. We would still make mistakes, and although that makes us very human in itself, it is that pull of logic and the pull of our feelings that causes our species agony.

Why bother making decisions in life? The thrill of surprise can come from external sources, it doesn't always have to come from within. Although I am sure that the benefits are there, right now I am not in the mood to care.

I wish we could all just do whatever the hell we want.

Wouldn't it be nice not to follow rules? Or care about following rules? You see, that's the difference. We all have a conscience, but I think it's just our brains and our hearts finally meeting head to heart in a clash of ideas. One usually wants something on a factual basis (our brains) and the other wants something on a emotionally spiritual basis (our heart). They are like two morons with nothing better to do but watch out for our welfare, yet never come to a satisfying conclusion.

Well maybe sometimes. Sometimes the brain will say, ok fine, just eat another bowl of ice cream just this one time, but don't cry when you feel guilty and fat and I can say 'I told you so!'

And sometimes the heart might say alright, I'll stay home and study on this beautiful day, but don't feel upset when all you did was daydream.

It's like a never ending tango, where some of the most important decisions in your life are based on two sources of uneasiness. Who is to say which is the most correct?

Do something now and regret it later? Do the logical thing and play it safe?

Ahh, the things we humans have to go through. And don't even try throwing in the gut. Your instincts may just be that middle ground that is always correct...but it is like that really smart kid in the back of the class that only speaks when he/she is compelled to do it.

I remember my psychology teacher in high school showed us a very memorable thing. He said, "I'm not trying to be cute--" (I think he was though) "but there is one thing I want you all to remember from this class if you didn't come out with anything else."

He proceeded to move through the motions of a Catholic person who is motioning through the cross. First he pointed to his head, "You don't ever want to listen here." And then he pointed to his, ahem, groin area, "You certainly don't want to ever follow this." His hand went up around his right shoulder, close to his heart, "You should not really follow this." Finally it landed at the stomach, "But you should always follow this...your gut. It is the one place that you can depend on getting you through life."

Interesting piece of advice.

Late Night Surprises

2006-10-19T01:37:00.000-05:00

Ok, now why is there an oily film on top of my coffee? A double mocha latte with whipped cream to be precise. I don't believe it is supposed to be like that.

As long as I stay awake (and alive), I won't question it too much.

I Don't Even Know What ToTitle This

2006-10-17T16:01:00.000-05:00

I lost my credit card a week ago and it is now very apparent that it is not in my apartment. If anybody knows of its whereabouts please return it to:

Effing Loser
101 Cursed Forever Lane
Hellhole, KS 66601

Thanks. I appreciate it.

Ok, You Can Stop Now....

2006-10-11T11:11:00.000-05:00

I don't know about anybody else, but this article about North Korea considering to use sanctions imposed on them as an act of war made me a little, um, concerned.

I usually don't get too crazy paranoid about threats that countries make in the headlines, sometimes you just know it's politically motivated junk. And quite possibly this is the same thing with N. Korea...but I don't know, it just made me a little nervous. They do have nuclear weapons after all.

Certainly with our current president the world has not gotten safer (as if creating an unnecessary war solves all of our problems...or sitting on his hands when an unjust war is initiated (lebanon anyone?)). But as it was stated in the article, Japan has taken measures to impose sanctions anyway and so far it only hurts North Korea because a lot of their pricy exports go to Japan.

I know with the way North Korea is saying they will be testing their weapons is like showing off their power, but you just don't want to really mess with a rumbling volcano, right? I mean, what do you do with a country like that? I knew N. Korea was a bigger threat before the Iraq war (which is why the Iraq invasion completely confused me...I mean, North Korea is one country that definately HAD nuclear weapons).

But this is all rhetoric that has been repeated again and again and again, but nobody truly listens to it. Or something.

I'm just laughing now because I just remembered something else I read about an asteroid that was set to hit the Earth in 2035 or something. So how shall we all eventually die? By us blowing ourselves up six times over or by a giant flying projectile (oh wait that doesn't rule anything out).

Girls with Bad Choices

2006-09-10T01:37:00.000-05:00

I am deeply saddened tonight by two things. These two things don't have anything to do with international events (for once) but something closer to home.

First is the death of a friend's baby. I am actually very shocked and don't have any further comment.

Second is that I am observing the destruction of another friend's life. She probably never will know that I am thinking about her in this way. I don't know why she would do this to herself, but to understand it further, I know the reasoning behind her how.

To explain further, I have had many friends come and go in my life. Every person living on this Earth must have had some hardship, some very bad experience that shook their world. And whatever is going on in their life, whatever is creeping into their sanity and their minds, whatever society is pressuring on these young ladies I only know myself.

I had friends who were alcoholics, who cut themselves, starved themselves, drugged themselves up, had sex with too many men to count, smoked (we'll leave this ambiguous), pierced their body, tatooed it, stayed in verbally abusive relationships...

And that is all that I can think of what they told me. Now, I am usually the friend that everybody comes to when they have a problem. And somehow (I am not sure how) I usually have all the answers. But honestly, I really don't know what advice to give them except common sense. That is all what Dr. Phil is famous for. That dose of advice that your mother is there for.

But you can't save them all. I can't save everybody. I can't help everyone. Especially the ones who don't want to be helped. Oh yes, they would like everything to get better, but do they really? No. Because you can tell them what they don't or do want to hear and it is upto them to follow it.

Yet this friend, I have known her for a long time, off and on, but at least since she was younger. And she is one of the most intriguing cases I've seen (yeah like I'm some psychiatrist seeing patients...enter huge guffaw). What I mean to say is that I see such a mean spirit within her. She is so full of hate at something that she is destroying her life by defying all bounderies that were put against her...even the ones for her protection.

I never was for the whole "rebellious" teenager thing just because I had common sense enough to know that it would hurt me in the end. But I still have done things that are rebellious and stupid and wrong and I've learned from it, and I have stopped it and I know how it's like to be there and want it for something much more than a cause ... more like a change. But actions like that never get the results you want, only the ones that create new problems.

And these bounderies that are here in our life for our protection...religious, parental, whatever...in the end they are there for our protection no matter how preachy this sounds, it is very very very true. Mark my words, for anybody who may need this, understand that once a boundry like that has been crossed you have stepped into a world that is changed for you. Sometimes it is good to do that...but it should never be stepped into with malice in your heart. When you change the bounderies in your life it should be done with caution, anticipation, or with a good decent purpose.

Anger always makes a person irrational and it is exactly what my friend has...irrationality due to anger. Not the anger that you want to hit someone with, but the silent continous anger where you just feel like shit all the f****ing time.

And it is this anger that makes me very sad to see in other people. I would never like to see another person feel like this, feel like the depth of life is where they are feeling in their low points. I just hope she realizes how her actions are affecting other people, and how it is ultimately coming around to kick her in the ass and not actually helping her. The temporary relief is not even that great...it's one of those solutions that create such a harsher punishment in the end...especially for a desi girl.

Damn I need to stop with these late night thoughts and hit the sack already.

The Man Who Wished to Be Lucky Instead of Good

2006-09-05T00:57:00.000-05:00

I haven't been watching the news in two weeks, except for scanning headlines. But I have already finished with my exams and I am not really doing anything.

I finished a movie last night though, which really upset me. It is mostly for private reasons why it touched a nerve, but in other regards I feel that Woody Allen is a genius (at least according to this film). I am talking about the psychology of the human mind.

It is a story of a man who is making his way up in the world, but everything is perfect except for the deep attraction he has to his future brother-in-law's fiancee. So it becomes a story of his struggle to choose between a woman who is good for him and a woman he is passionate about.

I don't think I can go on further to describe what exactly upset me, but I have to say that I believe he captured the nature of what a man in his situation would probably have done. I don't believe the ending is applicable to every person (I seriously hope not) but it is something where I can comfortably say "That is realistic" despite how bizarre it really seemed.

I love how you can take Woody Allen's films and pick them apart and analyze every little detail and then glue them back together into a bigger picture. The themes, motifs, and symbolic events can be obvious enough and then there are those subtle ones you need to go back and find.

This film was set through a man's perspective and I have to say, I don't think I had a very nice opinion of men after this film. But after a few moments of thought, it expanded to the entire human population because ultimately this film is about our weaknesses despite the fact that the writer began the story about the role of chance and luck in our lives.

How much does success and money and wealth really play into our decisions? Ok, at this point I am probably going to have to say that there are some spoilers if you read on. After this film it reinforced my opinion that those great love stories about people giving up everything to be with another person are only good for the storybooks and fairytales. You must be a rare and geniune character to do otherwise.

And luck definately is on the side of the main character, Chris. And the poor girl Nola (his love interest) had it very bad from the beginning. One of my very closest friends told me that there is no such thing as a coincidence, that things are always set to happen for a reason. It was a very surprising statement coming from her, but I was always under the impression that this is a statement that a lot of people would make if they are religious (and she is not). Although I consider myself religious, I do not take the viewpoint that everything is based on chance or luck. If there is no room for hard work and control in our lives, then what good is it to live if everything is supposed to be played out?

I have opened up my mind to the possibility of "luck", especially after this movie. It was stated by Chris, the main character, that hard work definately plays a factor in life, you can't just take it for granted, but luck takes a far larger and intricate role in our lives than many of us are willing to admit. It could just be due to fear.

Ok, so in conclusion this is a good film for a long and deep discussion with friends, go out and get it. I don't think watching it once would be enough...

Profound Thoughts (Not Really)

2006-08-31T00:40:00.000-05:00

It's amazing how I have so much time to write on my blog (well, ok, this week not at all)* but when I have a test the next day I magically have a few words to say.

That's right beeetches, only a few because I really do have to get back to muscular contractions and all that fun stuff.

My amazingly I-could-not-wait-until-tomorrow thought was that a person's quality of life goes significantly up when they surround themselves with people they trust and admire. As my good friend once told me, never hang around the ones that bring you down because they don't want to see you go up. And I've had moments in life when that has happened. Duh. Ok that is my cue to stop writing and start filling up my brain with smarter things.

*But on a sidenote, this week has been horrible. I even locked myself out of the car. It was not fun. Ok, I just realized that was totally random.

638 Ways to Kill Castro

2006-08-17T12:12:00.000-05:00

If you click on the title of this post, it will take you to the article that explains some of the various ways the CIA hatched a plot to kill this elusive Cuban.

My favorite was using the old lover. I don't know if the amusing part of the stories are the types of ways the people have proposed to kill him, or the ways that the attempts went wrong (My favorite had both).

I still don't truly understand the threat Castro is on the United States other than being incited to become a threat. Honestly, communism was pretty dangerous for the U.S. back in the 1950's when the Soviet Union could use Cuba to launch missiles, but the concept of hating communism to the point of starting a worldwide brawl is a bit unfathomable for me.

I see how Cuba can be dangerous (I mean, after you attempt to assassinate its leader 638 something odd times I doubt they ever would consider reconciling their differences and becoming buddies).

Maybe with all our worldly disputes that are problematic for us right now, they can only begin with this country's paranoia. If we allowed communism to be, if it was only okay and fair with us, if we truly believed that democracy was the best way to go, then we should have allowed history to run its course and prove it right. Why start wars and pick fights unless there is some ulterior motive for us to destroy peoples lives? Now don't tell me that it's true ;)

Crazy Drivers

2006-08-10T00:44:00.000-05:00

I don't know if I ever mentioned my newfound development of road rage, but it has slowly progressed. And here is a good example why:

The other day I was minding my own business, driving my car along the road where there was median that blocked traffic from crossing into the opposite side of the road.

Yeah, well as I was driving I noticed this guy in a pick up truck was serving in and out of the same lane as mine. And heading right towards me.

Yes, that's right, he was on the WRONG side of the road and I was about to become part of a head on collision with a psychopath. At first I was in total shock and could not believe this was happening. When it became fairly obvious that the car truly was getting closer and not farther away from me, I stopped the car dead in the middle of the street right before crossing the intersection. The guy then used that opportunity to cut right in front me to turn onto another road.

I don't know if I will be eventually developing road rage or road terror.

The Attack

2006-07-25T22:35:00.000-05:00

In a pre-dawn raid, Israeli warplanes destroyed two neighboring houses in Nabatiyeh, which is 16 miles north of Bint Jbail and has been heavily bombarded in the past few days.
In one house, a man and his wife and their son were killed, said the couple's daughter, Shireen Hamza, who survived. Three men died in the other house, she said.
While buried under the rubble for 15 minutes, "I just kept screaming, telling my parents to stay alive until help comes," she said. "My father kept saying to me in a weak voice, 'Shireen, stay awake. Don't sleep.'"

All for what? One soldier? Twenty people? Many more? Is this how to take revenge, to solve problems? Who's the "genius" running their country?

*Editor's Note: I originally started this post when the war started but I did not want to post because it may have been biased. NOT anymore. May Bush and Olmert rot in hell.

Looking for Answers

2006-07-17T19:27:00.000-05:00

Last night my head nearly exploded trying to figure out what the name of the song was that kept running over and over again through my head. I didn't even know the lyrics so much as the tune. And one piece of information that I had was that it is from the soundtrack of some movie. It wasn't much to go on, but enough for me to scroll through every single possible website that would give me the answer.

This kind of reminds me of a certain postcard...

This is interesting because you would think a person (like myself) is enough of a computer junkie and stuck in their own world that they couldn't just ask a normal human being for something or just get a life.

Well, it's sort of true.

But sometimes you can't just walk upto somebody and ask those pressing questions that could get you strange looks, or just follow up questions that you aren't ready to answer. No, it's nothing perverted that I'm talking about (I'm sure somebody thought that by now...you get a mean glare from me).

It's just so relaxing to learn about an issue or event or problem on your own time, and on your own terms, as much as you want and as deep as you want to without having to follow some structured outline in class or hear something that may be filtered through a friend.

And ok, the wierdest thing that could happen is that you suddenly find yourself trying to find the answer to the most philosophical question that could never possibly be answered online, but yet for some reason you keep searching...because just sometimes there really is nobody to ask.

Frustrations

2006-07-12T11:08:00.000-05:00

"Separately, Israel escalated its Gaza assault, dropping a quarter-ton bomb on a home before dawn to try to assassinate top Hamas fugitives. Palestinian hospital officials said the blast killed nine members of a family — seven children and two parents." ---Yahoo News

I only ask, is it necessary to try to kill a fly with a hammer, totally miss the target and kill innocent people instead (sound familiar Olmert)?

The leaders of both sides, Israel and Palestine, need to change tactics because getting radical doesn't mean you are getting progressive. Radical means backwards and that is where everything is heading with the way events are leading.

And I am especially frustrated with the way this (U.S.) administration is trying to handle it. Basically give everybody a slap on the wrist and hope for the best. Either they stop getting involved in these people's affairs or just settle it the right way and finish it. Meddling creates a whole other slew of complications.

2006-07-10T23:56:00.000-05:00

Zidane Headbutt

It's interesting what you can find out by working in retail. Apparently I met an Italian family and a half-Frenchman, so I got to hear from both sides of the fence.

I was helping a woman with a strong Italian accent find the right sized shirt and then proceeded to check them out for her. After asking her where she was from, I lit up and exclaimed, "Ohhh, you all have won this year's World Cup!" She smiled a bit and said, "Yes it is true and that after quite some time we (well actually they) deserve to win it. It's been awhile." After that she and her very cute Italian kids and grandma left the store. I seriously could not figure out if they were speaking in French or Spanish, because Italian sounds sooo much like a combination of the two...but I digress.

Later on into the afternoon, I overheard another customer at the cash-wrap booming out in an accented voice that was eager to let out his story to anybody who would listen: "Do you follow the World Cup?"

Of course, he asked an American and he replied no (what do you expect?). Curious, I stopped and listened to him continue, "You know I'm half French and my father was at that game between France and Italy. Italy won unfortunately, but it was a good game."

This of course, as anybody would know me, got me very excited and I jumped right in and said, "Yes, I heard about Zidane and how he head-butted that Italian player."

This guy whipped around and smiled and said, "You know, my father was in the stands, and I am half-French by the way, he saw the whole thing. You see, you couldn't view it from the television camera, but from my father's angle he saw the whole thing."

"Well what happened?" I asked

"The Italian player was all over Zidane the entire game, he was very aggressive. But you know, he was also yelling out a lot of racial slurs at the same time. Have you been following the stories behind this game, with the coach from Spain and all?"

"Oh yeah, I heard about this problem, it's becoming a big issue and all," I replied.

"Well, from my father's view, he saw that during the break the Italian player had actually twisted Zidane's nipple and said something that made him angry and you know Zidane is a very cool guy, but he lost it after that moment."

"Oh really? He twisted his nipple?" I raised my eyebrow at this one.

"Oh yes, he twisted his nipple. Zidane is very admirable, very modest you know. He wouldn't say to the press why he did what he did but kept it to himself."

At this point I had to run to attend to another customer, but after coming home I saw this video and it's TRUE. Well, at least it looks like it. Hey, he said his father was there to see the whole thing...and he's half French, so it MUST be true, right? At least it is worth a chuckle.

Umm, what am I supposed to title this?

2006-07-08T02:27:00.000-05:00

I am so sleepy, yet I always manage to find some form of chocolate to keep me awake. Or caffeine.

It is 2:30 am right now in case you haven't noticed. That's ok. I haven't really noticed either.

I hope Portugal wins tomorrow...at least I will be able to ogle C. Ronaldo. There are very very few men I like to ogle and he is one of them.

I have no idea who I would vote for in Italy vs. France. Probably the team that is losing...that's how I usually work.

But I won't get to watch it due to work (why do they schedule me during that specific time frame? No really, why?)

It's about time I watch another Mira Nair film. I'm in that kind of mood.

I saw Paradise Now and it was....interesting. I really wasn't moved. I mean I was, but at the same time I wasn't. What happened in the end wasn't about the movement in my opinion, it was more of a personal agenda. Some kind of internal/external conflict. But aren't they all? No more said, I think I'm forgetting what actually happened.

Did I mention it's kind of late?

A movie I seriously have enjoyed is American Chai. Because it reminds me of my visits to Maryland and alot of the cousins on my dad's side. It's kind of weird because I had this weird sense of familiarity when I watched the video and wondered if I knew some of these characters in the film. Then I realized they were normal people. Oh. It's been a long time actually (this paragraph makes sense to only me...that was my disclaimer).

I also miss seeing green. You know when you are really close to something but not quite there? Well, it's very green here in northern Kansas. Not yet foresty, but green. The south is the dry desert, no mistake. I'm sick of it.

Is there ever a point in your life that you feel that all control is lost? You have a plan but somehow things aren't working anymore. Or that your plan is finished and now you are left hanging. Or that you had a plan and it is completed and your new one doesn't exist that's why everything is going haywire. Yeah me too.

I miss those cozy midnight hours where I could talk to my friends until 3 in the morning about absolutely nothing. Of course, that happens in the dorms, not in your apartment where you are stuck typing random crazy shiznit to yourself and hope nobody suspects that you are on something (I swear I am not it just seems like it....no....really).

And now I realized that this is my *public* blog. Well enjoy this little glimpse into my head while I'm most vulnerable (and bored).

I'm going to bed....so when Portugal might lose (oh dear God please spare them...but let the best team win. I guess.) I will at least not go beserk by lack of sleep.

Good night and Khudaaaaaaaa Hafiz.

2006-07-02T11:58:00.000-05:00

Del pita pita del

Did you really think I could only share one?
Ahh Bollywood...nothing like a desi accent to cut the tension.

2006-07-02T11:50:00.000-05:00

Peugeot 206 Commercial

I am upset about the upset in Brazil vs. France. I just blinked and the score changed. Well, at least this put me in a better mood...turning crap into something innovative.

Re-Defined

2006-06-15T11:29:00.000-05:00

I always believe that when things change for me it means that it is another step in trying to redefine myself. I don't mean recreate a new persona, just to improve myself. I have moved around alot and each place presents a new environment, new people, a new start. So what perfect opportunity is there but to learn from personal mistakes in the past and build on a foundation that I already know works for me?

So, I know from living at home that I am definately not the same person who had left it four years ago. This means that within the two years I did live at home I have learned what my values and dreams for the future are.

Things like this can be a bit fuzzy sometimes, but I believe after 2 solid years of outside experience and 2 solid friends (one of which is missing....where the hell are you???) I know that if I fall down there is somebody to buffer my fall.

I think this post might be turning into what I have learned in four years at college. So why not? Here I go, the top 5 things I've learned that I'm willing to say in public:

1. Join me if you care enough, but don't drag me behind.
I have learned that as long as I keep the vision of who I want to be in the future, what I want from myself, and work life around those goals, there will be nobody who will be able to deter me from it.
That horrible piece of advise everybody loves to give, but is the hardest one to follow...you know, "be yourself"...it can only work if that person really wants it. You can't be yourself if you aren't first comfortable with yourself, then like yourself, and finally love yourself. When it finally comes to loving yourself comfortably, then it's much easier laugh at yourself if you make a mistake.

2. Lethal Weapon
I love to advocate the fact that academia is the lethal weapon of choice in most advanced societies, but I must say one thing. I have bought and used my textbooks more often to smack annoying bugs than actually reading anything. Lesson learned? Study from lecture, don't read the book unless you want to entertain yourself with the pictures. (This applies to Bio majors...anything said here needs to be taken with a grain of salt!)

3. Closet Nerd No More
Yes, I used to always deny it and now I don't mind it. Oh wow, that rhymed. (I'm also a closet loser but I haven't come out yet). My best undergrad year was at Hollins University when I had the opportunity to attend film festivals, off-topic lectures, documentary showings, political discussions left and right. It just opened my eyes and stomach for more...I just couldn't get enough. It was there I learned that I can be a powerful person as long as I want to be. If I don't, well then it won't happen. Simple. And I don't have to have a one-track life. I can do a million things, there are so many possiblities. But anyway, since that day I have never stopped trying to learn, following current events (ok, only when I get extremely annoyed and upset...but it doesn't last long!), and just plain absorbing ideas different from mine.

4. Move over bitch, that spot's mine!
It is what races through my mind whenever I am up at 8:45 a.m. in the WSU parking lot trying to find a space for my car. It was at that point I realized that I actually have learned to be aggressive. Or at least have the potential to road rage.

5. Feminism lives
Yes, I thought it was dead before I started college. I have no idea why when I was in it everyday of my life. There probably wasn't a word for me to describe back then the injustices that I experienced. But now I understand it better and know what to look out for. I am a strong believer now about pushing people's limits (and my own) about what is expected from women. And don't get me started on why I shouldn't be able to do things because of religion....that's just plain wrong. There's a fine line between religion and culture, and I have drawn mine nicely thank you. And no, I'm not a man hater...

Honestly, there is so much more that I have learned (if this was it, that would be pretty pathetic) but these are some of the things that are pretty important to me as of now.

Yin and What?

2006-05-29T11:04:00.000-05:00

The other day my sister and I were looking at towels, dishes, bedsheets, the whole works. Moving into an apartment can be exciting, but I have a huge problem according to my sister, and that is that I can't color coordinate.

Which is untrue.

Yes, I had issues in middle school that involved an "intervention" but that's different. I am a reformed woman now. I haven't had a relapse in over 8 years.

Ok, so I was trying to debate (we never discuss) a color scheme for my living room and I tried to explain to her that I want it to be a nice, warm, and inviting place.

Me: "Well, I want something with oranges, yellows, and reds. You know, nice warm colors."

Maria: "Okay, but we first have to make a list of what we already are getting from Ami and Abu (mom and dad) and then incorporate colors around it."

Me: "Yes, but we should at least pick a scheme! I like these silver frames, we should balance out the room with these."

Maria: "I think black would be better. You need to balance out the room with black."

Me: "Yin and Yang Maria! Black does not balance out warm colors. It just makes everything hotter."

(Gives me an exasperated look)
Maria: "No Neda. You don't understand anything, just leave it to me."

Neda: "Oh look, this silver frame has pictures of pink and orange flowers, it's so pretty! Ok I got it, listen: Pink, orange, and SILVER."

Maria: "No."

Me: "Feng shui Maria, feng shui!"

Maria: "NO."

Ok, well we'll give it time. It'll work out in the end...my way...eventually.

My Personal Secrets Part I

2006-05-13T13:24:00.000-05:00

I really liked this one....

Today Is The Day

2006-05-12T13:22:00.000-05:00

That I graduate. But it doesn't feel like it because I still have 2 papers to turn in and another pre-session course to take which would technically allow me to graduate in August, but who's paying attention?

Anyway, I am walking in the ceremony so I guess that's all that matters. I remember high school's graduation ceremony was pretty fun because some loser kept pointing a laser pen at the principal's eyes and so as he was giving his speech it seemed as if he was glaring at the audience. That was quite amusing.

And of course at the end we were allowed to spray silly spray into the air which was extra fun, but I doubt I will be doing that again today.

So, it looks as if it will be a bit boring for me today, so I'm not exactly sure how to keep myself entertained in the process. And that list...I'm still working on it!

Disturbing Lyrics

2006-05-03T10:58:00.000-05:00

I was driving to class this morning and listening to my radio as usual, when I heard this same song again by Fort Minor called "Where'd You Go?"

I really like the way the song is set up, the music, the melody, pretty much everything...except the lyrics just ruin my whole preception of the song!

It starts off sweet...
"I don't understand why you have to always be gone,
I get along but the trips always feel so long,
And, I find myself trying to stay by the phone,
'Cause your voice always helps me to not feel so alone,"

But then, it all takes a complete turn around into something a bit more bitter:
"But I feel like an idiot, workin' my day around the call,
But when I pick up I don't have much to say,
So, I want you to know it's a little fucked up,
That I'm stuck here waitin', at times debatin',
Tellin' you that I've had it with you and your career,"

Does anybody else see something wrong with that? Well, after these first two stanzas it may not be that clear, but it was a bit bothersome when I heard it. I though, ok, maybe the story gets better here. He realizes that caring for somebody means that there are sacrifices one makes and that he is just venting right now. He's just missing his sweetheart and there's nothing really significant to what he's saying.

Um, no. Check this out, it gets gradually worse throughout the song:
"Shit, I find myself just fillin' my time,
With anything to keep the thought of you from my mind,
I'm doin' fine, I plan to keep it that way,
You can call me if you find that you have something to say,"

With anything to keep the thought of you from my mind??? Ok, I get it. You were just overwhelmed by thoughts of her so you are trying to keep occupied so that it doesn't drive you crazy. And when you explain that you are doing fine, it's just a defense mechanism, a way of telling yourself that you really don't care just so that you don't have to hurt yourself by thinking about her so much. (By the way, why aren't you working? No wonder you sang about feeling useless).

So at this point the guy is really angry and defensive and upset about the fact that his wife is not with him and his children and that all of them miss her a lot. So now what? Does he get over it? Does he say, "ok, so I'm being an A-hole, my wife is working so hard for us to provide us an income while I really am doing nothing at all but complaining. Maybe I should go and talk it out with her, and come to a more compromising solution to all of this."

No.

"I want you to know it's a little fucked up,
That I'm stuck here waitin', no longer debatin',
Tired of sittin' and hatin' and makin' these excuses,
For why you're not around, and feeling so useless,
It seems one thing has been true all along,
You don't really know what you've got 'til it's gone,
(Ok at this point I really thought he was going to come around about himself...maybe I'm too optimistic this far into the song)
I guess I've had it with you and your career,
When you come back I won't be here and you can sing it..."

Sheesh. This guy is a little too bitter and I don't think has a very strong character. You don't just leave your loved ones just because YOU feel inconvenienced. And then he wants her to feel the same way he does. That's harsh. That's just harsh.

If he feels so useless, get a job! Why does he make her work so much? If both of them shared the responsibility, there wouldn't be such a huge burden on her! And the kids would at least get to see both their parents more often.

Ok, I am way too upset about this song. I just wanted to see them together at the end or something. Maybe a Bollywood version of the song would come out a bit different....

No, I won't attempt it, it would be way too cheesy. You were hoping weren't you?

For the entire lyrics, you can find it here. Maybe I misunderstood something. Enlighten me.

Graduation

2006-04-20T10:00:00.000-05:00

I have decided to begin a list of the top 100 things I've learned while in college. It should be fun, and I'll try to post it up here (if I even get to 100....but I'm sure I've learned something).

Now that it's close to graduation, I'm just ready to get it done. But, I am glad that I have met so many people this past year, and I hope each and every one of you keep in touch and visit me up in Lawrence (ok, I'm already getting ahead of myself) or Wichita if my future goes sour.

I am not exactly in the mood to reminisce...more like look to the future. Because right now, I still don't know where I'm going to be, or what I'm going to do. If I do end up in Lawrence, I think being with my sister would be so much fun. We are like best friends that can take advantage of the other without caring. It's nice.

Well, good times ahead I hope, and no, I will not be looking back!

Update

2006-04-09T19:56:00.000-05:00

I swear I updated last week, but the blogger demons were plotting against me.

On a more serious note, I just want to explain that the reason for not posting is because I am having issues. That's all.

And also the fact that there is nothing public to share. But, I can talk really vaguely and dance around the issue and maybe you can figure it out for yourself.

No, actually I can't. I sat here for a minute thinking about it, but it's not going to happen.

I'll try to become my normal self in the next two months (yes, that long), but in the meantime I can't gaurantee anything.

And yes, I'll try to post something at least between now and that two month time frame...!

Dazed and Loving It

2006-03-11T03:58:00.000-06:00

It's four am in Lawrence and i'm in a coffee induced sleepy state

weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

good night

(don't ever put food and coffee in my hands and expect me to be mentally sound)

I should never drink coffee and post. there should be a rule against that.

Great Job Kiddo

2006-03-01T15:54:00.000-06:00

As I stated before in this blog, aren't kids great? They just do the darndest things.

Check this article out, a 12 year old kid sticks gum onto a $1.5 million painting during a class field trip at a museum in Detroit.

While we're at it, there's new evidence that the T-Rex wasn't the reining carnivorous king. Another article to help you sort out the various dinosaurs and each of their fear factors.

I don't know, I just love this stuff.

Familiar Strangers

2006-02-26T22:02:00.000-06:00

Yesterday, I don't know, for some reason I started to think back to one particular sweet old lady who didn't know how to speak English all that well but still managed to make the best Asian Stir Fry I have had to date.

Everyday, I would walk into Washburn's crappy cafeteria, and everyday there was never anything good to eat. And believe me, I'm not a picky eater.

So, I ate her stir fry each time. At the beginning she was really bad in her pronunciation of certain things like "water chestnuts" which was completely unintelligible. So for the longest time, I never had certain items in my stir fry. Slowly I would ask her to add in more and more vegetables.

Baby corn, mushrooms, onions, bell pepper....yes, eventually the water chestnuts (I had no idea what they were until later).

I didn't realize that she would repeat each of these things after me, and later through the semester her English improved dramatically. At least her English of Stir fry. She would recognize me as I would step into line. Each time she saw it was me (whether I was next or at the end of the line) she would give me this big smile.

What is bugging me though is that I don't know her name, nor could I figure out where she is from. Eastern Europe? Italy?

I guess I'm sad that I may never know. It's awful how you can go through life and not really sit down and talk to the people you nod hello to everyday. Then again, it may be a character flaw on my part because I know it had passed through my mind at least once to ask her a question beyond, "How are you?"

But with anything in life, I have to use it as a lesson to learn. Next time, ask for their time. I know she would not have refused.

Losing Ground

2006-02-11T20:01:00.000-06:00

I don't know, I kind of like this little poem:

"Get ready," whispered the Willow
to the Hollow Oak outside
whose magnificent leaves splashed
its colors far and wide

"The Gale is coming, it can
no longer wait."
"Why?" shuddered the Oak, deeply
saddened by its fate.

"I did nothing wrong, but the
wind howels so.
It would not be so bad, if I
could just take my roots and go."

"Don't be silly," snapped the Willow
and its proud stubborn vines,
"the Gale planted the seed of life
on the Earth from which you whine."

"Perhaps," pondered the Hollow Oak
"but which Gale decided to growl?
The gentle wind from the South, or the
icy North who is so foul?"

"The North of course," said the Willow
"but it shouldn't be so bad. Although
you're not me, so the experience
may not be like I had."

Suddenly the Oak rustled, it's leaves
began to shed.
They were plucked down painfully,
filling the Oak with dread.

It gained momentum and
shook the Oak to its core.
It whistled and screamed in
its rage and it roared.

Much of its meaning was lost.
To the Oak it meant nothing more,
but to dream of a place
that is worth pining for.

As the wind died down, the
Hollow Oaks' branches showed bare,
and it was no surprise that the
Willow's leaves were still there.

Little by little, the Hollow Oak's
roots came undone
as the Willow wept silently
for what is never mentioned.

Wishful Thinking

2006-02-08T22:00:00.000-06:00

I was debating whether or not to write this amusing event that happened yesterday night at the library, mainly because if the person that it involves happens to come upon this and read it, it would be embarrassing for him.

But that chance would be slim to none.

Anyway, so I was studying for today's test yesterday at the library when this random guy began studying the books in between the stacks. My table was right next to those rows of shelves and, well, how convenient for him, the books were his excuse to stand there for about ten minutes.

After awhile, he sauntered upto my table and asked, "Do you mind if I join you, or are [unintelligable]?"

Of course, this threw me completely off because 1) I don't know him, 2) I sure as hell know he doesn't know me, and 3) he looked slightly derranged...really. I'm talking under the influence here.

"Sorry, what?" I asked.

Now, what gave him the excuse to take this as an opportunity to lean in real close to my ear and murmer, "I said, do you mind if I join you, or are you busy?"

"Oh. I'm busy," I said with a half smile. Ok, the truth is I was sooo glad he gave me that option. Because as some of my friends know, I have a hard time getting out of situations like these (although the answer ultimately would have been no anyway, it just made it that much easier).

So he stood back and seemed to ponder for a bit. Then once again he leaned in very close and said, "I just want to let you know that you are a very beautiful female."

It took me that much strength just not to roll my eyes right then and there. "Yeah, thanks." I said and looked back down at my notes hoping he would move on. "You're welcome," he replied and stood there for a few moments. With a sigh of relief, I sensed that he was leaving.

All of a sudden I heard a sudden thunk and "Oh! Ow!". I looked up just in time to see him reel back from what had apparently been a serious collision with the side of the stacks. He stumbled around the shelf and dissappeared.

At first, I didn't know how to react. I mean, that was talent. But I'll go with derranged. Because it looked like it was on purpose, yet why would somebody actually do that?

In the end I couldn't help it, I had to start laughing and laughing and laughing...

It's one of those things I guess you had to be there for to really get the craziness of it. But wow, that was one of the most interesting "pick up" encounters I've had to date.

Queens and Zombies

2006-02-02T12:01:00.000-06:00

Just count on me to pick the day when I'm feeling like a zombie to write a post.

I slept at 12 and already was exhausted, so I did not appreciate it so much when I was woken up at 2 am and 6 am in the same night. And I couldn't go back to sleep after that, go figure.

Anyway, I think that last night's Nightline on Queen Rania was the highlight of my week. This woman is amazing in my opinion. I was planning to do a profile on her sometime later, but let me just say, I look up to her so much for inspiration.

It wasn't just Hollins University (my favorite undergrad institution on the entire planet) that changed me, but Queen Rania has taken a significant part in it too. Later, I will go into more details, but for now I will just say that the program was just a general interview on the Queen and nothing too significant in case you missed out.

Going Upstate

2006-01-23T20:00:00.000-06:00

This week I'm driving up to Lawrence/Kansas City to meet up with my sister and her friend along with taking care of business.

Hopefully, I will be able to see Looking For Comedy in a Muslim World, because they are opening for only a week in KC. If not, I won't be that dissapointed because the movie looks a bit flat anyway from the previews. But I'll give it a try.

Big Brother's Watching

2006-01-17T22:49:00.000-06:00

Or not. You can decide for yourself.

Several days ago my mother looked out our window to find the trashman looking through our garbage. He reportedly had taken a booklet from our trashcan and was leafing through the pages, and then failing to find anything of interest, tossed it back into the truck and drove on.

oookay.

So maybe he does some light reading to keep himself entertained. It's not the most pleasant job in the world, you know.

Two days ago Ami (my mom) picked me up from class. We pulled into our driveway while I was finishing up some story about that day's events, when she stopped the car and turned to me somberly and said, "Neda, the FBI took our trash can."

Huh?

"Abu (my dad) called the company and asked about the missing trashcan today and they said they don't know anything about it. Do you know what that means? That means the FBI is involved."

I gave her one of my usual, "Please, not again" looks and said, "Come on Ami, if the NSA has allowed these people to wiretap our suspicious words, I would be in jail right now with the number of times I've explained to my friends over the phone what 'Jihad', 'Al-Queda', and 'Osama bin Laden' were all about."

Of course, mom was still doubtful and kept to her suspicions.

Then, the similar event of one of my cousin whose trashcan was switched around with her neihbor's on two different occasions sealed the deal on my parent's idea that we are a target of an FBI investigation. This is not the only time my parents have claimed suspicious activity around our home, but really, it can't be certain.

(By the way, just to make it clear, we have nothing to hide. Not even our garbage. If anybody would like to search for themselves, be my guest.)

As If You Didn't Have Enough...

2006-01-16T21:56:00.000-06:00

...Here is some MC Vikram and LudaKrishna for you:

Curry-N-Rice Girl

It is their only music video at the present time.

Want more? A good place to start is here. Or visit their website and listen to more songs (after you pledge your fobbiness of course).

Just To Make You Smile

2006-01-16T20:23:00.000-06:00

If I were forced to be a groupie of the one band whose song I like with no plausible explanation, I would pick O-Zone. Their song Dragostea Din Tei gets stuck in my head with no complaints except for the fact that singing the lyrics become a great challenge to sing due to the fact that it's NOT in English, but rather Romanian. But I try.

You won't be disappointed if you watch their music video because, I assure you, they are entertaining. And pretty cute in a geeky sort of way.

And after you have finished watching the original music video, I invite you to try the parody...

I still can't tell which one I like more.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Update**

Ok, due to the fact that my sister needs to retain credit for introducing me to this band, her name Maria Ahmad is seen here. (Are you happy now?)

And while I'm at it, let me introduce to you the (Maria) Ahmad Theory of this three-membered boy band. According to her, O-Zone can be labeled under "typical boy band" due to the fact that there are three stereotypes represented in this song: the ambitious one, the sensitive one, and your typical "bad boy" stereotype.

In fact, you can pretty much pick your type from the versions portrayed in the video...let's start with the one in the obviously plastic glasses. He'd be the popular guy in high school...ambitious, the lead singer, the one who is always center stage and all the women, uh, die for.

Then there is the, for lack of a better word, vulnerable and sensitive member of the band in the yellow shirt. When the song cuts to him singing, his voice is much lighter and higher in pitch. Perhaps to woo the ones who like nice guys.

And don't you just love the fact that the "bad boy" doesn't really sing at all, but just acts like the role that is given to him? It seems that way as he sways in the background acting like the big bad bouncer that he is.

Although it sounds true, I just think it's better not to think too much into it. You'd probably find me perfecting the lyrics as the guy at home in the parody video had done instead *wink, wink*

Fickle Explanation

2006-01-13T11:16:00.000-06:00

I'm sorry if I'm driving anyone nuts with my ever-changing blog template, titles, descriptions, and whatnot but what's driving me crazy is the fact that I keep seeing my sidebar (where my profile is located) pushed all the way to the bottom. Is this just my computer?

I'm going to find out about this. I really did like the other template, but apparently it occurs with every single template I pick. Although, now that I have this new one, it's not so bad really...

**Update

Never mind, this blog template is A-ok. I like it, and I'll stick with it (until I change my mind again :)

Eid Mubarak!

2006-01-11T15:45:00.000-06:00

...To all those who celebrate and to those who don't!

Wegetables? Vhere?

2006-01-03T15:19:00.000-06:00

I have been on break from everything in my life right now, so I thought I might just check in and see how this blog is going.

Obviously, it's not going.

Let me just help it a bit.

To date, I am having a fairly good Winter Break, aside from the fact that I am losing my English speaking skills. It is one thing to lose it because you speak another language, but an entirely different matter if it's because you hang around a lot of people who speak English incorrectly. Just last night I told my sister, "Mari, it looks like I'm getting a lot of grey hairs already!"

Hairs?

Since when did I use a term usually reserved for mocking my parents? Since when is it okay that I add on S's to words that don't require them? I can't even write an essay past the 5th grade level anymore.

In fact, I'm too embarrassed right now to explain the title to this post. I'll just say this: I can't help the fact that I pronounce my V's and W's to this day incorrectly. And if you listen carefully, you'll catch it (if you know me and talk to me in the unforeseen future). But it can turn into a very ugly, very embarrassing situation. Maybe I'll post about it later.

And yes, sadly, I have been pulling out trace amounts of grey hair. And it bothers me. A lot. Go away.

Russell Peters in the UK: A short clip you may not have seen before

2005-12-24T19:07:00.000-06:00

One of the funniest comedians I have ever come across, Russell Peters is a desi hit internationally. Using his Indian roots as the foundation for much of his comedy allows for a bottomless pit of material to turn to for some crazy laughs.

The most widely circulated video is his 45 min routine (the one I was exposed to first), but here is another video with a routine that is just as hilareous in my opinion.

My Dear Orhan Pamuk

2005-12-15T17:25:00.000-06:00

I am sorry to hear that what you are facing is becoming an issue when it should not. I am not sorry that now at least an opportunity has opened so that you may bring attention to what you care for and that people will now listen.

You are the balance between the extremes of happiness and hate in the Muslim world. Your books are the beacon for justice. Your prose is mesmorizing, stories heartfelt, and themes controversially needed.

I thank you for being progressive and courageous. Your humility is not overlooked.

I thank you for not being boring. Your stories' imagry will forever burn in my mind.

Please read in Orhan Pamuk's own words about the story of his plight. I have an incredible love for my favorite authors, and although I never blindly support a cause, I can never understand the supression of free speech. His observations are right on target about the responsibilities of both East and West to own up to their mistakes. And hopefully his trial will go as he expects it to.

The Crack Effects of Allergy Medications

2005-12-12T10:38:00.000-06:00

Definition: Allergy medication refers to Claireton, Allegra D, Tylenol Cold Medicine, Sudafed.

Research: Crack has symptoms generally associated with a heightened central nervous system, sharp rise in heart rate, body temperature, alertness, and excitement, along with increase in confidence and decreased appetite. It follows an intense low involving anxiety, depression, and a restless craving for more. [Reference]

Also observed were commercials for these medications demonstrating the "happy" affect of their products. Subjects frolicked through fields and medows, and at times hallucinate the brandname's logo on mowed lawns.

Hypothesis: The effects of allergy medication on Neda is about a tenth of the feeling one experiences as a crack/cocaine addict.

Null: She is talking some craaaazy shiznit.

Experiment:

Control: Arturo* age 22, male. Big guy who experiences normal relief after the use of said medications.

Variable: Me, age 22, female. The one who experiences a distinct high.

Results:

After the ingestion of medication, the control reportedly felt slight drowsiness and experienced immediate relief of congestion, nausea, sniffles, headache, and related symptoms of cold or allergy.

The variable on the other hand, had issues. Reports of a "floating" experience, increased heart rate, quick burst of energy, nonstop talking, awareness of surroundings and quoted "happiness" abounded. This is after ingesting medication at 10 p.m. and waking unexpectedly at 3 a.m. Subject was unable to sleep thereafter. Attempts were made to hug people. Later problems included clamminess, shivering, sensitivity to touch, dry mouth, nausea, and slight loss of appetite.

Conclusion:

Allergy medication has a definate crack effect on Neda, and one can reject the null hypothesis. Further research may be done to investigate what actually causes these "happy" symptoms.

*Name changed to protect the innocent (don't ask)

Oh the Tragedy

2005-12-08T18:14:00.000-06:00

I feel sorry for the naked statues on campus. I feel so tempted to dress them. Especially when the windchill falls below zero, I think how lucky I am to have clothes.

The Cosmos

2005-11-29T10:02:00.000-06:00

I don't understand how I can continuously study for one test more than the previous one throughout the semester, yet still score progressively lower than the last one each time. Sheesh, give me some help here.

Another thing I don't get: Why do people believe that every picture on their digital camera is worth keeping? I mean the whole invention of the camera was to get rid of pictures that come out bad, but somehow they all pile up until the memory is shot and you have to systematically delete every single stupid headshot of your brother's face (ok, obviously this post wasn't entirely about you, the reader. I wouldn't alienate my audience now, would I?).

Could it be laziness? Vanity? That perhaps my face looks good here, but not there and that maybe if I wait awhile, it would get better and then I'll decide whether to delete it or not. I would go with the latter. This is interesting because I also believed that digital cameras were supposed to make it easier to access your pictures. Now, it's just sitting there on disks (when someone is not lazy enough to actually put it on a disk) or on the camera...taking up memory. And I'm talking not just 100 or so pictures that you have to deal with on this memory card...it's like in the hundreds and hundreds of random, unneeded, wacked out, strange, stupid pictures that JUST TAKE UP SPACE!

While I'm at it, another topic: Sensuality

Yes...I'm not talking about sexuality, just to make it clear. The fact that it is inherent in desi culture not to even get near the *idea* of sex is a bit weird when it comes out in its applicable form.

For example, I am sitting with my dad as usual watching the evening news, when the topic of abortion comes out (and of course it's on all the channels) so that when my dad flips to CBS, the news anchor screams "And now...ABORTION!" and my dad quickly jumps to another channel. ("ABORTION!" says PBS). This tends to go on and on. Before it happened when the topic was stem cell research.

Ok, so I'm pre-med. As I sit there, quite amused might I say, by my dad's precarious desire to protect my "virgin ears", I wonder what would happen if at an interview to medical school they ask me, "So what do you think about the stem cell research controversy and possible solutions to this whole mess?"

Umm....I'm not allowed to talk about it?

I don't think that would fly (just a guess). That was a more serious reason why I roll my eyes. Even more serious is the fact that I get kicked out of MY basement everytime my parents are watching a (pg rated) movie. Come on now...you can fast forward through the kissing at least? And look at Bollywood...there IS NO kissing. It's just a bunch of women (and scrumptiously men at times) whose torso gets unprecedented screen time in cinema history. And besides, these are happy people that break out into song at random times throughout the movie...how wholesome can you get?

Such is life and how it all comes together for me.

______________________________________________________________

By the way, I just found out today that Nina Simone looks JUST like one of my best friends. And with the whole 60s outfit, the picture captured her personality EXACTLY. Even that defiant eyebrow...wooh! You go girl!

Christmas Songs and All The Rest Of It

2005-11-22T08:53:00.000-06:00

I woke up so early this morning (6:40 a.m. to be percise) and came to class just to find out (and remember) that it was cancelled. So on I sauntered over to the RSC lounge to figure out what to do with myself. As I sat down in one of the plush seats eating my cream cheese and jelly bagel, I finally tuned into the background music that was playing Christmas songs.

What is it about these songs that make me turn into a Scrooge every year? I think I realized this after hearing this particular one. It wasn't any of the original Christmas songs (I think) and it was newer and original. That's much better. Because after 20 plus years of hearing the same lyrics and version of the same song over and over, it's just a song way out of style for me.

I know, I know. Some people (bah humbug) actually hold special meaning for these songs. Well, I do too. For example, the song "Rockin' around the Christmas Tree" reminds me that I need to rent a copy of Home Alone before it all gets checked out for Thanksgiving Day. Oh yes, and "Deck the Halls" reminds me of the time in Kindergarten when I FINALLY got to dress up as an angel (a true testament that my teacher despised me after I waited oh so long to wear that golden halo) and sing in front of the auditorium. And "Frosty the Snowman" what memories. Aside from the fact that I had a "Little Golden Book" with half the pictures torn out, wrinkled, or just plain looking miserable, it reminds me of boring and sad cartoons that come on my not so cable tv during the holidays.

Yes, I love this time of year. I even broke little children's hearts. I distinctly remember the face of one little boy who I told way back when (yes, it was in kindergarten. Since my teacher thought I was the spawn of Satan, I might as well tell a story to live up to that reputation) that Santa Claus doesn't exist, yo. I was very excited to find out this piece of information and thought the boy's face would light up in surprise. No, it actually dimmed as a hint of fear and uncertainty crossed his face. I'm sure his parents told him not to hang around this rotten kid anymore.

I guess the only difference was that he got presents from Santa and I didn't, so what should I care?

Bah humbug.

Ok, on a happier note, after listening to that song in the lounge I also realized (like I realized about my thing for winter/fall* that these songs don't bother me as much anymore. It seems like I am back in the flow of things, and more comfortable this time around with Christmas time (I mean, like cha Christmas sales, hello farsharrrr).

Haha, just kidding. I love you vierd Amerikan peoples.

*******************************************************************************
*from my "other" blog 9/14/05 titled "I am Falling in Love..."

...with winter. And the idea of a cat. Although I have mentioned the cat before, I have to say, winter was never a season I even liked. In fact, I have always hated it. The murky clouds, bare trees, freezing temperatures outside and inside the house, early darkness, even more restricted lifestyle, hell who wouldn't like winter if they were me?

But somehow, the sky is misty, and the night is a comfort, the cold is a reason for warmth through my renewed interest in sweaters (*cough*fashion*cough*), and the proverbial idea of curling up to a good book with a warm cup of coffee (the Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Latte is freakin awesome). Not to mention that during the daytime, the foliage just morphs into a more luscious green. I am talking that comforting deep shade of green that I only remember all too well when I was in Virginia. Man, don't get me started on Virginia and nature...

Neda's Lemon Chicken on Noodle

2005-11-20T14:23:00.000-06:00

Due to the fact that I got unusually high praises for my improvised Lemon Chicken on Noodles recipe last night (and this was from my mother y'all), I am now required to cook dinner every weekend. Which I don't mind, because truthfully I like to make good stuff and eat it. Now if only I can get ingredients for dessert....

In other news, this is going to be an amazingly wonderful Thanksgiving Break. I don't have any papers, tests, book reviews, lab reports, or quizzes due after this break so here is the list of things I'm going to spend time doing:

1. Finish writing the story for MikroKosmos (our school's literary magazine)
2. Spend time with Maria (my sister..yay)
3. Spend time with friends
4. Catch up on movies (see sidebar)
5. Try out Byblos the new Lebanese restaurant downtown (heavenly)
6. Get a make0ver (the works: color, cut, make-up, um...this sounds a bit superficial, but ya'll don't know how much I need/deserve one about now)
7. Catch up on Bollywood (I'm serious, it had to be listed separately. ANd no more SHAH RUKH KhAN!! I am so sick of him even though I would still watch another one of his movies because they are that good. This time it is John Abraham and Akshay Kumar...mmm...eye candy).
8. Turkey day...duh. I cook the side dishes! (and due to the fact that my mom and sister have their way every thanksgiving, I get to call the shots. We get to have stuffing/dressing this year. How can you have thanksgiving turkey without it? yes, our Turkey days were quite hollow the previous years, but no fear--Neda is here to revive it)

Ok, I am listed out. Anybody else want to share their plans? Do people overseas celebrate Thanksgiving Day? I know I heard some places celebrate Halloween (Pakistan!).

Well to each his own.

So Tired, I Forgot to Give This a Title

2005-11-17T12:58:00.000-06:00

Before I start cramming in time to finish my pre-lab work, I just have to shout out to the whole world that I am dead tired. I have slept for only three hours last night. This whole week has been sleepless with tests to take (and receive...not so hot). I barely stayed awake in the last few moments of history.

And like the loser that I am, I know I fell asleep during ecology...while sitting in the front row. It's a bit strange how I can actually transcribe words onto a piece of paper and while sleeping. I am not kidding you. It's like my brain has this temporary storage area where I hear what the professor is saying, my hand moves on paper, and somehow I am snoozing away.

Ok, unfortunately, this pre-lab is screaming at me to be written, so you all must wait further for my extremely awesome story about the "Neda doll". Right.

Fear and Happiness

2005-11-12T18:19:00.000-06:00

I just have to say, what is up with me and my phobias?

Here are a few wack ones:

1. I can't face any professor outside of the classroom...if I see them at a bookstore (like I just did) or anywhere off campus I will make a quick U-turn and hope they don't see me. It's just weird.

2. I hate putting on make-up in front of people. I wait until everybody is out of the bathroom, or I find an empty one, and then proceed to put it on alone.

3. Spiders within 12 inches from me. Any closer and I can't stand them.

4. Getting yelled at...or lectured. Or both (*shudder*).

5. Losing a loved one.

6. Having my cell phone ring in the middle of [insert public place here].

Hmm, now that I've established myself as a bit paranoid, let me list some things that are comforting:

1. Green (the more trees, flowers, nature, the better).

2. Pictures of people (even strangers).

3. Television

4. Friends, especially at dusk when a really great conversation is just beginning...

5. Reading

6. Music (although this one is iffy...I have lately become really annoyed with the stuff that plays on the radio and I spend more time changing channels than actually listening to something good).

People and Poetry

2005-11-08T12:30:00.000-06:00

I love to read this guy's blog, it makes my day. I never thought his experiences in med school could be so funny. But for those of you with a weak stomach, be warned, there are some pretty gruesome descriptions...and crude ones too, but hey, welcome to his humor.

I must say, this fall it's really beautiful. My latest excuse about why I can't post any pictures of what I see? My sister has the camera. Screw it, I'm getting my own.
_._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._.

I stepped into the murky jade water
with the trappings of a forrest
ever present inside

Feet dripping wet, I move away
but only slowly
because inside, my feet are too wet

And the feeling does not subside
as the colors subsist inside
my mind and overflow with
Moments and Memories

Of that time? Remember that time,
when the rain felt cold, and the fog's
scent lay a sharp shiver over me

I heard it like the morning dew drops
slithering off the curve of my life
My life that I left behind in that
Emerald City
like the dusky pool in the road
that lay dripping wet memories

Just felt like sharing.

Update

2005-11-02T21:38:00.000-06:00

Eid Mubarak to everybody (even though it's a few days early...I'm going to be way too busy to post anything on Eid).

Plans to Lawrence indefinitely postponed. It's like the highlight of the semester when I get to drive up there, but alas, not this weekend. I'm trying to put flickr up for all of you to see some pictures, but my irresponsible dork-faced brothers have lost the charger on my digital camera, and it's pretty difficult to load anything on here otherwise. Until then, my profile picture is the way it is.

Ok, I came on here to write something significant, but it seemed to have slipped my mind. Oh well.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

"Dr. Rogers? Hi, my name is Neda. I am in your Biology colloquium class. I'm sorry, but I missed Monday's seminar because, well, my car ran out of gas."

"Your car ran out of gas?"

"Yeah, I'm really sorry. I almost made it, it was just before 29th and Oliver."

"29th and where?"

"Oliver. Look, I know it's sounds weird, but I'm serious, I was in denial about the gas needle--"

"In denial about the needle?"

(At this point I was a bit frustrated about him repeating everything after me like a lame ass parrot)

"Look, I was in class every week this semester..."

"What's your last name?" .......

Ugh. I don't know what's more embarrassing. Running out of gas or explaining it to your professor.

Asian Stuff

2005-10-30T14:38:00.000-06:00

Last night was really great and I'm pretty sure the food was part of the reason. In fact, there were more food stalls than any other booths during the festival. I was hoping to see more desi people and events (although there were quite a few). Well, at least I got my mehndi (henna) done, so no problem there.

And let me just shift gears to say that American Chai is now one of my top favorite movies in my small and humble collection of DVDs. (And if you are out there, give me back my Girl, Interupted movie...I will hunt you down whoever has it).

Anyway, I truly felt that the director was speaking to me. It's as if he wrote out my life (ok, not all of it). But yeah, let me just say despite how hilareous I found a lot of the scenes and characters, there were some rough and emotional issues addressed as well. I think I already went through some of it, but watching it play back in front of me was moving.

Ok! And now moving on...might I add that I love Sheetal Sheth and she was the whole reason I rented the movie? Yes, I am a big fan. And the directing was awesome. Script, characters, and dialogue...it was very real and very down to earth.

Speaking of Asians and festivals, I just found out about the Southeast Asian Student Association Conference that is held every year. It looks phenomenal but too bad I can't go. If anybody has been to one of these, let me know if it's worth it. Famous desis like supermodel Saira Mohan, and director Gurinder Chada have made appearences (and hey, I think that alone is worth it, how 'bout it?).

Anyway, don't worry chicken curry, I'll be posting again soon.

You Know Why I Love Kids?

2005-10-24T16:58:00.000-05:00

Because they are so damn blunt. They are not afraid to let you know that there is a booger hanging out of your nose, or that you look ugly today. In fact, when they tell you how nice you are and how much they love playing with you, you would know that they mean it.

Anyway, I haven't been around grade school kids for the longest time, and today I just had to laugh when the bus let off some of the kids on my street. I just pulled into my driveway when four small children were yelling unintelligible adventures and misadventures of their lives back and forth. Finally, the short blond guy reached his house (which is right across the street from mine) and proceeded to overturn the garbage can on wheels and sit on it. No, I take that back. He made a cot out of it and layed his back onto it while yelling out, "Hey guys, call me when you get home. Call me on my trash can. Just call me."

Obviously, the three kids up ahead were giggling like crazy. This blond dude will definately be the joker when he grows up, you can just tell. Anyway, about being blunt, one of the little girls yelled back, "You are soooo STUPID." And that just made my day. Because really, it's been a long time since anybody stated the obvious. We should do that more often in our lives. Can you just imagine walking through campus and listening to another boring rendition from those guys who try to be impressive by stating for the millionth time how much they got drunk or some of the girls for that matter who try hard by, well, pretty much explaining the same thing. Yet, I doubt saying, "You are soooo STUPID," would do much good. I mean, if you drink, drink, but don't brag. Nobody cares.

Ok, I'm way off topic. But hey, welcome to my world.

The First Post

2005-10-20T10:30:00.000-05:00

Ok, so as those who know me as the Queen of Procrastination, I have not wrote, called, e-mailed, talked, IMed, yelled, or gabbed with you for the past month because...I just didn't feel like it.

Now, I can say with certainty (because it's staring you and me in the face) that I have a blog now for everyone to read. As in, Neda's public blog. None of the shady stuff (Not that I have one). And so, I throw out to you what I feel like rambling about. If for any reason you have a complaint, don't bother me (...just kidding)

All right, now I sadly must run off to class...the one I deeply hate.